There are a bazillion other things that I could have done, but no, I sit down with the old cards that my mom made of all my weight, height, measurements, that sort of thing, ended up calculating my BMI for those, and then plugging them into the growth chart online to find out where I was percentage-wise as a kid. Not only that, but I've done some of that before...
As it turns out, as a kid, my percentage of weight vs. height was relatively consistent at about the 10-15% percentile (which they generally classify as 'at risk for being underweight'). The exceptions seem to be when I was 5 years old, and was actually underweight, and then a two year period or so when I was 12 and 13, where my percentage suddenly shot up to 30-40%. If I remember correctly, those were the years that I felt absolutely confused by my body and disgusted. I should note that I was also hardly eating when I was 12 years old, so that intense percentage change makes no sense whatsoever, even now. However, things evened out, and in charting where I was at 18, 19, 20, it all evens back to the 10-15%, except for the times when I end up dropping my weight. Still, seeing the numbers of when I was 12 and 13 STILL brought back the thoughts of I WAS SO FAT THEN. Never mind any voice of reason, it doesn't work even now, almost 10 years past.
When you get like this, you end up looking at photos of yourself at different ages, and looking for fat/thinness, bones whatever. I doubt it's normal to call your 2.5 year old picture fat, and logic tells me that I wasn't, that the only reason I look like that is because I'm wearing more than one layer of bulky clothing and the reason that the clothing is bulky is because I was small and it therefore didn't fit very well, creating the bulky layers. Sigh.
Other failures of today included sleeping until 11:35 when I really meant to go to church for 10:30. But, I guess it is my body's way of accounting for the lack of sleep of the past week...
The bedtimes and waking times of the past week or so are as follows:
Last saturday night: stayed up until 4:30 working on research methods journals, got up at 9:30 to do my volunteering at the Kid's Concert.
Last sunday night...stayed up until 1:40, got up at 6:20
Last monday night, stayed up until 1:40, got up at 6:20
Last tuesday night, stayed up until 4:40, got up at 9:00
Last wednesday night, stayed up until 1:40, slept in until 7:22 and missed my 7:15 bus but was still only 5 minutes late to my 8:45 class as I caught the 7:38 bus.
Last thursday night...no sleep, besides a quick rest from 6:45-7:30, which may or may not have included sleep, and from which I got up in extreme misery...my stomach decided to rebel and feel awful in all senses for hours, which did not make finishing the essay easy...or the 85 minutes of bus ride down to the university in the afternoon to hand it in.
Friday night I got about 7 hours of sleep, which was not enough to catch up on obviously...so getting close to 11 hours this past night was probably necessary. But frustrating. Sigh.
And, that essay that I stayed up all night working on wasn't very good, I don't think. At least it's only 13.5 %.
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