Missing chapel!

I've mentioned before that I follow a number of Caringbridge and Care Pages sites, mostly of children dealing with cancer. In a strange way, beginning to follow them in November or December last year after my mom's death from cancer was a part of healing, despite the fact that these were very different situations. Well, in one sense at least. It was a random happening, but obviously one meant to happen. When browsing in the bookstore at the university one day near the end of the semester, I ran across a book called "Notes Left Behind", written by Brooke and Keith Desserich about their six-year-old daughter's nine-month fight against DIPG (diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma). The website for their foundation, dedicated to a cure for ALL cancers beginning with one of the most difficult to treat, pediatric brain cancer, included a Heroes page-children who were either currently battling or had died from brain cancer. Many of these pages had links to websites (most of them Caringbridge or CarePages, a few were blogs or other websites), which I began clicking on out of curiosity. There, I discovered the incredible service that is CaringBridge (and Carepages, but I feel it is not set up quite as well-a person feeling) and began following the families. It has expanded, as families post about other families. A few weeks ago, I began following a woman who has Sarcoidosis. I take the following information from her site-although I had heard about it before, I did not have a detailed idea of what it is.

It’s a disease of unknown cause that leads to inflammation. It can affect various organs in the body. Normally, your immune system defends your body against foreign or harmful substances. For example, it sends special cells to protect organs that are in danger. These cells release chemicals that recruit other cells to isolate and destroy the harmful substance. Inflammation occurs during this process. Once the harmful substance is destroyed, the cells and the inflammation go away.In people who have sarcoidosis, the inflammation doesn’t go away. Instead, some of the immune system cells cluster to form lumps called granulomas (gran-yu-LO-mas) in various organs in your body.

She has four adopted children, from my understanding, all of whom have some degree of additional needs than most teenagers, and is a single mom. Her diagnosis of sarcoidosis came more than four years ago, and it has definitely made things very, very, very challenging for her. 

She could use your prayers, but that's partially an aside. The main reason my thoughts came to this blog was because she posted about a song that we used to sing in chapel and once sung as a choir during a special concert (can't remember exactly what, I do believe I was in grade twelve...and come to think of it, I think I sang it at a teacher's wedding-she asked for a group of volunteers from the concert choir to sing, and I was super excited to do so! It was great). Anyways, it's called In Christ Alone.

Lyrics to song... In Christ Alone
Stuart Townend, Keith Getty

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fulness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand. 

Well, that got me remembering not only that song, but when I had to see if I could find it on Itunes (I could of course, numerous versions), I came across so many of the other praise and worship songs that were sung during chapel. I'm a nostalgia person, no way of getting around it, and that made me very nostalgic. 

Some of the top favourites from back then...

Blessed be your name (which will still always be remember as S's song, as it was sung during the school memorial service for him-he died when I was in grade nine and he was in grade eight from a sudden heart attack brought on as a complication from being born with a serious heart condition-my guess from the description would be hypoplastic left heart syndrome, in which the left side of the heart is underdeveloped). 

Come to Jesus (which was also sung at that service...funny how it is now one of my top comfort songs)

What the world will never take (the lyrics of which helped me out in the hospital)

How deep the father's love for us

I can Only Imagine

God of Wonders

Come, now is the time to worship

Romans 16:19 

Here I am to worship

Open the eyes of my heart lord

How great is our God

Our God is an Awesome God

We fall down

Worthy is the lamb

Mighty to Save

Grace like rain

Okay, I guess it's safe to say that I pretty much loved everything. I posted Romans 16:19 because I have so many great memories of singing it on youth retreats and during grade eight outdoor ed...we would always start singing it faster and faster until it was crazy :) Good times. 

I guess out of everything, what I miss the most about my high school years is being able to have lots of deep conversations about faith. Some of my friends at the FoM are Christian, some are not. Many are what lots of our generation is-'God yes, Religion No'. Because my faith is so important to me, it is sometimes hard not having the ability to discuss things with teachers and my friends, or in bible class. Also, I have long since aged out of the youth retreats that were a joint venture between all the presbyterian churches in my area (as none of us have very many young people). I am the only young person between 14 and 32 that generally comes to my church, and while I love my church community and feel comfortable there, it is hard when there are basically little kids, and then, for the most part, adults over 55! One summer a couple of years back, I looked around during the service and saw that not only was I the youngest person there at 18 or 19, but my MOM at over 50 was the second youngest person. Of course, that was the summer...

Despite the fact that my dad is a retired diaconal minister, I have never really been able to talk that much about faith/religion with him. Probably because it comes into the 'emotional' range very frequently, and that has never been a part that I can share with my parents (it was especially my mom but my dad as well). On points such as finding the passage in Timothy that summed up very clearly the biblical basis for dressing modestly, sure, that's fine, but not in talking about say, the bible verse that is my ultimate favourite, and what I try to live by..."Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud" (1 Corinthians 13:4). 

Today I nearly began crying before the concerto competition...it was pretty silly the trigger, what my first thought was "I wish L was here" (my flute teacher) but then it sprang into "I wish my mom was here". But, it didn't turn into a major issue. I guess that for a long time, perhaps forever, I will feel these feelings. Not the most pleasant of ideas, but I am beginning to accept that that is part of life. 

God is the same, yesterday, today and forever.