Blankets, blankets, blankets!

I mailed five blankets off to the BernatCares headquarters today after finishing sewing the Spring Squares blanket yesterday. Here's a picture of the finished blanket :)

I was pleasantly pleased when the shipping costs were not $50. Much less than that actually :) I also had a very successful shopping trip today, getting some capris and shorts for summer-I haven't gone shopping for shorts probably since 2008, and I didn't own a single pair of capris. Fortunately, there were some very nice sales on. I guess it must be my mennonite high school/junior high experience that has made me such a lover of good sales. Or perhaps it's just being a woman. Either way, without even really knowing about most of them, I picked the right day to shop. 

Now, cutting the grass was another story! Turns out that having a sump-pump drain onto the back lawn makes a certain area of grass grow like crazy...this was my first time cutting the back lawn this year, and I use a push-mower (much better work out and environmentally sound). Well, I think I might have to finish it tomorrow! The area around the sump-pump was about a foot tall. Okay, maybe a little bit of an exaggeration but not that much. Perhaps I might be able to finish it tonight before it gets dark out, but coming in to rest was probably a good idea for my wrists. My wrists are very important to my flute playing!

The only thing of concern that has been happening these days is that while everyone else has gotten their orchestra acceptance letters, I haven't yet, and my conductor hasn't been very forthcoming in information. He is away right now but responded to my email by saying that "I will phone you when I get back and we can discuss the coming season". Now, my thoughts on this is that the orchestra board is thinking that because flute is such a high demand position and this would be my fifth (and final) season at 21 years of age that they should give my spot to another, younger player. I would sort of understand this, but would also be very hurt because I love orchestra so much and in my mind I've been preparing myself for this coming season being my final season. However, my brain starts spinning things out in different ways and getting worried that my orchestra conductor has decided that I'm not good enough because I almost completely fluffed the piccolo solo in the third movement of Tchaikovsky's fourth symphony at the concert (never mind that my flute teacher says it's just about the hardest piccolo solo in orchestral repertoire) etc etc. Waiting to find out is hard, I just hope that I can still be part of the orchestra, especially because the Wind Ensemble auditions are going to be a lot harder this year. Not material-wise, but in that there are going to be 13 or 14 flutes at the faculty next year, and right now, there's only 3 orchestra seats and 4 Wind Ensemble seats. That potentially means that 7 flutes could end up in 'purgatory'-otherwise known as the Concert Band, in which only a handful of Faculty of Music students play for credit. I had to do it for my first two years of university and I DESPERATELY do not want that again. For one thing, I can't next year anyways, with the rest of my schedule the way it is, I'm going to be teaching my Moonbeams One class at almost the exact same time as Concert Band rehearsal on tuesdays. And, really, it's so unchallenging. The music that the Concert Band plays is typically about what I played in my high school Concert Band. Plus, the Concert Band never does anything fun. All they do is their four concerts a year, no in-school concerts, no playing at the New Music Festival, no going on tours, no retreats, no conducting workshops, NOTHING. These two ensembles mean SO much to me. Which is why after I finish cutting the lawn, I will be practicing for my Wind Ensemble audition. The material just came out a few days ago, so it's time to practice, practice, practice and hope that I do my best-and that my best is good enough. There are going to be A LOT of good flutes at the faculty come fall. 

Rapture October 21st...Harold Camping...I'm tired of this.

So now Harold Camping says that the rapture will be October 21st. At this point, I am thinking that he is becoming senile in his old age...

Matthew 24:36 "But of that day or hour, no one knows but God"

 http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/150674/20110523/harold-camping-unapologetic-as-he-spins-new-doomsday-date.htm

A long time coming...

Today I did something I'd been meaning to for a long time...I sponsored a world vision child, I believe one that is classified as a Hope child, meaning that their community is particularly affected by HIV/AIDS. My sponsored child is a little girl, six years old I believe named Atalia who shares the same birthday as I do :) I may not earn that much, but I can afford this. Of course, I had to leave the website quickly after sponsoring one, because I really don't have the funds to sponsor more than one at this point in my life, and I know that I would fall in love with each child! Ever since I was just a child myself, I'd been wanting to sponsor a child, in fact more than one year, I really wanted to say to my parents "How about for Christmas I get to sponsor a child instead of getting all these things?" but never managed the courage. I think it was once again a fear of being judged, and yet WHY I was afraid of being judged is beyond me...I have a feeling that my parents would have been proud of me to want to sponsor a child...I know my dad will I'm sure be just as happy as I am when I tell him, and I'm sure he'll enjoy maybe writing a letter here and there himself. I guess it's this whole thing where my mom was so concerned about finances and always feeling that we didn't have enough, but I guess priorities were different. I don't know exactly what the finances were like when I was young, my mom only worked through taking care of two little girls almost the exact same age as my older sister and I, which she says basically paid for our music lessons and not much else. I know that a deaconal minister's salary isn't crazy...but from what I've found, when things are balanced there is room for giving on almost any salary. At this point in my life, I am saving for a mortgage (!) and possibly a master's degree, but there isn't much else that I have to worry about, living at home.

Children are God's most precious blessing...and as my presbyterian church says, I can't remember the exact verse but it gos something like "how can I claim faith and service to God when I have not clothed my brother?" (now I'm curious and will have to look it up!!!!).

I have been blessed with so much, even in times of pain. I may not be able to go and work in Africa, but I CAN help a little girl from there.

1 Timothy 2

I always knew that the bible promoted dressing appropriately/modestly, but hadn't actually run into any specific verses until earlier this week, when I randomly opened my bible to 1 Timothy 2 and went AH HA!!!! Verse 9 : "I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God". It was exactly how I've felt about clothes and how I want to be seen for several years now-probably since I was about 12 or 13. Many women will say "I want to be liked for who I am and what I do, not what I wear" but at the same time go to all lengths to impress men-or other women-with their appearance. I'm not saying that taking a little bit of time and looking nice is an issue, there is nothing wrong with appreciating, enjoying and giving thanks for the wonderful blessings that have been provided. What I am saying is that I want to be seen as a modest dresser, and I wish more would do so. I can say that already I have seen more cleavage, stomachs and even worse than I care to have. My junior high/high school had a pretty strict dress code, but one that I believe should be generally followed at all times. I don't remember everything, but here's what I do remember:
-shorts must be mid-thigh or longer
-skirts must be no higher than 2 inches above the knee
-shirts must not show the middriff
-shirts must not show cleavage
-No clothing promoting alcohol, drugs, tobacco, or individuals promoting questionable lifestyles
-shirts must have sleeves or straps at least 2 inches wide
-Undergarments must not be visible
-No clothes with rips, tears or holes

Granted, some of these regulations are easier for me to follow than others, as I am only 4'9, so skirts that are too short on others are at about my knees (which I have found is just about the only advantage in shopping when you are my height and age).

As my dad so often relates to me, men are very visual. There was a case recently in my province wherein a judge gave a lighter sentence to a man who sexually assaulted a woman who was dressed in a provocative, revealing way. While I completely disagree with this ruling (and so do the provincial officials who are investigating and possibly changing the sentence), I can't help but feel that dressing inappropriately certainly didn't help the matter. And the problem is getting younger and younger. Yesterday, I read an article on MSN that 1/3 of clothes marketed to 'tweens' (c.7-12 year olds) is considered 'too sexual'. As I read further I saw examples, including a push-up bikini marketed to SEVEN YEAR OLDS. It sickened me. It's a rare seven year old that even needs a bra, and in my mind NO ONE should wear a bikini. If it's more revealing than your underwear, why on earth would you publically expose yourself like that? And for a LITTLE GIRL? Given how many children are larger these days, that bathing suit could potentially be worn by a four or five year old. Most parents don't want to think that their sixteen-year-old might be engaging in sexual activity, yet they allow a little girl to wear a bikini...and not just any bikini but a PUSH UP BIKINI. One of the commenters on the story wrote that "some things are inappropriate and they're always inappropriate". I fully agree. To be honest, it's getting hard to go bra shopping and find something that isn't padded or a push-up bra. I'm dreading when my current set wear out-and given that they're about 4 years old at this point...I'd say we are getting close to a due-date (blessings on having not grown more than about a quarter inch there in those four years). I have to say that the over-sexualizing of breasts makes me infuriated. It's not their purpose...their purpose is to provide the perfect source of nutrition and comfort for babies and young toddlers, not to be a man's playthings...suggesting that a little girl should have a push-up bikini...

And that's my rant for the day. My Harold Camping rant comes tomorrow! I admit, I was up late because I was watching the news updates showing up on google and checking the USGS earthquake map. At the same time, I feel horrible for not trusting in God, but I guess the fear of things-spread from the words of a man, not God (which should have been my first clue!) got to me. Jesus may return today, tonight, next week, next century or ten thousand years or longer from now...but man will not know, and I should have remembered that. Let's just say that if Harold Camping lives to make another prediction (he's 89) I will not believe him whatsoever. Perhaps it was just more frightening for me because it is the first time in my life that I'd heard a judgement day/doomsday prediction. Yes, Harold Camping predicted this in 1994, but I was only 4 years old. And yes, Warren Jeffs (leader of the FLDS) predicted judgement day more than once) but again, I did not know about it until years afterwards when I read the books Escape by Carolyn Jessop and Stolen Innocence by Elisa Wall, two women who escaped the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints, an fundamentalist group of Mormons. I do admit, I will be interested to see how Harold Camping talks about his failed prediction-if he ever does.

I finished two blankets for Project Linus today...it helped keep my mind off some things! I wish that the billboard that is saying the end of the world is in eight days would be taken down. To tell the truth, I'm somewhat terrified, and I guess it goes to my low self-confidence. Feeling that I will never be good enough for  God's mercy I guess. However, the arguments that this 'minister', some evangelist from California are both logical and illogical...hearing that only 200 million will be saved...by my calculations, that's not even the population of babies and children under age five, and where is the mercy in that? I don't really know what to believe. In my heart, I believe what I've read, one, that humans will not know when the end times are there, two, that there have been plenty of people in the past that have predicted the apocalypse, three, that God is a God of great mercy and love, four that most of their arguments are based on numbers when we have really no way of knowing the dates of biblical events or even if certain events are actual events or merely allegories, etc etc. My dad is right when he says that the bible can basically be interpreted in any way that you want. It does bother me to have a sign near the underpass I go through quite frequently that states "The Bible Guarantees it!". What also bothers me is their claim that so few Christians are worthy of saving...and the way it's written, by a 'Harold Camping' I believe. Under the words "Sadly, Roman Catholics, Greek Orthodox, Presbyterian, Mennonites, Mormons, Seventh Day Adventists (and a number of others)" are not following the true word. It just gets to me...especially because I know a fair amount through my high school bible classes about the various practices of different denominations. The beliefs are for the most part, very, very, similar. What really is different is the way that the services are approached-how worship and liturgy are presented. Yes, there are some differences such as in the beliefs on baptism, but I mostly believe that in the churches that practice any age baptism (such as my presbyterian church) the Reaffirmation of Faith serves a similar purpose as does the Believer's baptism of such churches as the Mennonite. And, likewise, whereas we practice infant baptism, many Mennonite Churches practice infant dedication. Different names, but they seem to serve the same function.

I discussed the whole idea of eight days left with my very knowledgeable (and also of evangelist denomination) friend last night on chat on Facebook. He basically set things straight in some ways by saying "I don't believe it. Jesus clearly states otherwise. End of story". And also by saying that his church does not believe what is being said. He acknowledged that this guy is pretty irritating however. With that, I cannot argue. One of the illogical bits is that the argument is that you can't talk to your pastor or priest about this, yet the one who is claiming this is some sort of minister...

I guess in some ways I should take this fear as a good sign, in that I don't want things to end. I'm looking forward to lots of things...finishing more blankets for Project Linus, taking new courses in the fall, learning new pieces both for piano and flute, maybe learning the cello someday, teaching all the levels of MYC, getting Suzuki training for flute, maybe getting married and having children of my own someday...three years ago, well, that was a different story. We're coming up to the third-year anniversary of one of the three most challenging times in my life. Three years ago, I had just come back from NYB, was highly sleep deprived, buried under school work, incredibly stressed about exams and graduation, and feeling incredibly stressed, anxious and depressed. I guess I'll leave that story for another time...like the actual day that the two weeks began. That is, as long as the evangelist is wrong.

The evangelist also claims that many will scorn and scoff the idea...I guess there's a safeguard to all his arguments. Still, they unsettle me. I guess that really, the only thing I can do is pray and believe in my own faith in God as a loving and merciful God...no matter what the plan may be.

Wind Ensemble Trip and Project Linus Blankets

Well, we finally got back from the wind ensemble trip at about 7pm, meaning we were travelling back for about 20 hours from 10pm last night until 7pm here (we had a time change), and then it took until almost 8 for me to get home from the university. It was a good trip, although so many people entered the bus with colds, etc, that I now have something getting started myself. Two of my three roommates may have had strep, and given that my throat is bothering me, I'm hoping it's not turning out to be that, as I am flying out to BC with my dad for a trip tomorrow! Two of my friends had some bad experiences though, one came down with food poisoning just after our attendance of a wonderful concert of Mahler's 2nd symphony, and it was pretty severe...she was absolutely miserable, and of course, a bus travelling at night in the middle of nowhere is a horrible place to have food poisioning sending your stomach into agony every ten or twenty minutes for a while. She eventually ended up falling asleep in the tiny bus bathroom at about 1:30 am, slept most of today and is doing better now. As much as I feel bad for her for getting food poisioning, I'm glad it was not a simple stomach bug that could easily have spread through a lot of us then! And then one of my other friends lost her wallet (again) on this trip, so I'm feeling bad for her too. One of the things that this trip showed with both of these young women however, is how much the Wind Ensemble is like a family. We took care of my friend with food poisioning, making sure she was okay, getting her water, helping her out to the bus (yes, it was that bad...what a wonderful experience of food poisioning meaning time in a gas station bathroom and then so sick you need help into the bus), giving her multiple doses of gravol (obviously not doing too much though...), making sure that she had a full two seats to herself...and for my friend with the lost wallet, we made sure that she had money for food...I had plenty on my debit card when we went shopping on saturday afternoon at a gignormous mall and was fully prepared to pay for something if she wanted to, but it's not quite her nature to accept that kind of help. My friend with the food poisioning, later this afternoon got up and spoke on the bus microphone, thanking us for caring for her and "maintaining my dignity even as I was ....in a bus bathroom". I felt pushed to do my own thank-you, so I got up, and practically crying, thanked my fellow Wind Ensemble members for the cards and all the messages of support that they sent me in November...I said, very truthfully that they could not imagine how much it meant to me. Of course, in true style, my WE director as I'm going past him back to my seat gives a gentle hand on the shoulder, and in typical fashion, I then trip and practically fall on another member's lap! Ah, bus trips :)

We played at five different schools and then had a couple of clinics with instrumental instructors and then another band director, which worked out well. It was overall, a lot of fun. I even challenged myself to break out of some of my comfort zones, surprisingly one of those comfort zones was food. I ended up eating at three restaurants in the food court that I had never had food from before. Generally, in food courts, I tend to stick to one or two restaurants, like my trusted Subway, and even there I usually order the exact same thing. I surprised myself and found out that I could still find things that I felt 'generally' okay with, especially the BBQ Korean restaurant, where I found a grilled salmon with ginger sauce option, and it came with two sides you could pick, so I chose the green beans and the Kim Chi (pickled cabbage). It was actually really good, although I had to space the green beans and the Kim Chi because the Kim Chi was so spicy! Another breaking-out-of-my-comfort-zone came when I decided to try the water slide at the pool. The water was ALMOST over my head (neck height) and it was a pretty large water slide, and I'm not the greatest of swimmers and was afraid that I would panic if I had my head go under water. Well, my friends pushed a bit, and I built on my own desire to try it ONCE, and so, with them standing by in case I panicked at the bottom, I went down-not too fast, and because I was purposely slowing myself down with my hands on the wall of the slide, I cut two of my fingers slightly, but it was JUST FINE! I didn't go down again, but I felt good for trying it. And no, my head didn't go under water! I also didn't feel as bad in my bathing suit as I thought I might, although with that the ED voice started saying, you're not allowed to not feel bad. Kind of frustrating. But what is more frustrating is that my friend who was out-of-province in an eating disorder program has been kicked out of the program (in both our minds unnecessarily), wrongfully convicted and sent home. She's exhausted the resources here, although perhaps not the Women's Health Clinic program but I just now am REALLY fearing for her life. She's a fighter, a survivor as she says and posts, but I am just feeling like, if that program says she's too sick, and she's done six hospitalizations here...I'm beginning to feel like perhaps this is never going to get better for her. When I get back from BC I'm going to go over and see her, and give her the package I had meant to send her over at the treatment centre. I don't know if our province would pay for her to go to Remuda Ranch in Virginia, I know other provinces do...but it's the only option that's coming to mind. I care about her so much and it hurts so much to hear of the failure of this attempt, especially because she came into it with such an amazing attitude. I guess when I see her I'll get the full story, right now I just have the bits and pieces that were posted on Facebook.

I finally got the digital camera taking some nice shots, as shown below:

This one is a Big Granny crochet blanket that is in the works for Project Linus. It's only the second crochet project I've done, so I'm pretty happy about the results so far!

This one is the Easter Squares blanket, knit in garter stitch as laid out on my dining room table...it needs to be sewn together, which I imagine will take some time!

This one was my first crochet project, it's called a Wavy Ripple blanket. I'm happy that at the top and bottom it stayed the same width and am pleased that it evened out as I went along.

This is the Wave Stitch blanket, knit up really fast in a super bulky baby yarn by Bernat called "Baby's Breath". It is really really cuddly soft!

And this is the start of another blanket...done in a pattern that's very special to me, because it's the pattern my mom used to make my baby blanket, called a Fan and Feather pattern.

Well, I have to unpack and then pack for my next trip and then get some much needed sleep!
Oh, and finally one mark came up, and I got an A in my Vietnam War history class :) It was one I was more worried about because my essay was kind of cobbled together at the last second...I always worry too much.