So, after an exhausting day forcing myself to go down to the university (75 minutes on the bus/waiting each way) for my History of Opera exam review, I finally get home, and my dad announces that he has signed up onto a Christian Dating website.
Wham. I was not expecting that right now. Obviously, I want him to be happy but it was just one more thing from today that has been hitting hard.
I'm dealing with figuring everything out while still feeling quite fatigued and somewhat ill...I found out this morning that I've lost 6 pounds in the past few days. No wonder my jeans this morning were able to slide down without me unzipping them...I still woke up feeling sick, but managed to eat a piece of toast before going down to the university.
I run into one of my accompanists outside the performance hall on my way down to the student mailboxes. We chat a little bit, and she asks if I'd heard anything/spoken to my other main accompanist recently, which I hadn't, because she has been taking time off to take care of her husband, who was a professor at the faculty until this fall and has pancreatic cancer. She then mentions that he is now at R, which is a palliative care facility in my city. Wham again. I felt like crying, even though I don't really know him that well. Cancer hits me hard these days...
I end up having to walk across campus for the review, including up a couple of flights of stairs because only 2/5 of us in the class were able to come to it, and our professor felt it would be easiest out of his office (which I cannot fault him on at all). Walking this distance at a speed to keep up with my friend and classmate R really wasn't the easiest. And yes, my professor of History of Opera is the only one who has an office NOT in either the FoM or our extended Music Two building. I then spend close to an hour and a half getting notes for the exam tomorrow, which he really wants me to try to write tomorrow. We have worked out that if I am too tired/feeling too sick that I will just do the listening portion and can come back and do the short answer portion on another day. I think it will work out...and, knowing how hard it may be for me, it may mark it slightly easier anyway. But this is still another Wham.
But yikes...I do want my dad to be happy. But signing up at Christmas time when I'm in such a crazy place? Well...in the end, it is completely his decision, especially since I'm 21 and not a younger kid. Just that my brain zooms to crazy levels thinking about what it might be like if my dad remarried. How things might change. Not the easiest stuff to consider. Of course, one of the things that popped up as a positive is that I might gain an awesome 'mom-figure' and friend. But it's a LOT to think about, and not something that's easy to add on top of everything.
However, I know that whatever the result of this experience, God will figure out the right path.
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