Yesterday was really not such a good day. Okay, the MYC thingamagig for the new military families in my city (along with about 40 other groups I think) was just fine. But the rest of the day...well...

I guess the worst part was the conversation with my dad. Or rather, at him. I guess I hit my breaking point. You see, my dad is quite overweight and is gaining weight again because he's eating for comfort I guess. What bothers me the most is the after-midnight snacks because he "doesn't feel well". Now, how eating when you don't feel well makes you feel better is beyond me, but I guess that's where we differ. Either way...I guess I just sort of lost it. Though, to be honest, my anger came out less as angry and more as sadness. I tend to cry when I'm angry. I told him that all of this really made me angry. I believe my exact words were "I'm going to lose my mom prematurely, I don't want to lose you prematurely too". In the long run, it probably was beneficial for me to say this, but it isn't easy remembering it. Truth is though that I'm VERY concerned about his health as well. It's challenging enough having one parent be very ill-for my sister and I to carry on somewhat normal lives, my dad CAN'T become seriously ill as well. Maybe that was what made me so upset yesterday, but all evening I just felt very down. All right, I'll say it clearly: DEPRESSED. I was watching dvds on my computer, trying to feel better but I couldn't even care about the cross-stitch picture that I love working on. None of my usual favourites-JAG, 18 kids and counting- seemed to help. I eventually went to bed, still the same way. Normally I write in my journal or read and listen to music on my MP3 player. I attempted to read...got one page read and practically tossed aside the book. I just felt so emotionally messed-up that all I wanted to do was just lie there in the dark and imagine nothing-ness. Fortunately, my seroquel put me to sleep rather quickly and so far today's been better. Well, somewhat at least.

My mom and I went through a bunch of things today-mostly old costumes and clothes of hers that aren't technically costumes...but because they're from the seventies or whatever, they are now! What this entailed was her lying propped up in bed and me taking things out of two closets, talking them over and then packing them away. We're going to send them to Goodwill because they have a costume section. It was a history lesson as well as a cleaning-out, because she talked about almost every article. Things like 'oh, that was the dress I wore at my high school grad' or 'that was the dress I left my wedding in'. It was good, too. I think she was ready for this-she was the one suggesting it after all. She really wants to clean out a lot of things NOW before she gets to the point where she can't do anything so that my sister and my dad and I won't have to do it without her imput. I guess it's part of her way of making it as easy for us as possible. I tend to enjoy cleaning things out, so this is good for me too. And spending time with her and hearing about family history and things is priceless. The idea of what we're doing is somewhat depressing to an outsider I guess, but I'm treasuring these moments.

Tomorrow is set to be a VERY emotionally charged day. I have my first flute lesson of the year tomorrow, and then I bus to the hospital to have a three hour intake appointment to make sure that I'm 'suitable' for the eating disorder group. After that, I'm meeting with 'Bethany' and then I head off to my first orchestra rehearsal of the year. Like I said...very emotionally charged-from great to horrible to great. I just hope that I can keep my mind on the music in orchestra and not on whatever happens during the appointment.