I've had a difficult three days, but some things were good as well. My first flute lesson was monday morning, and that went all right. My flute teacher is pretty awesome :) Really, she deserves her own facebook appreciation club. Right now I'm pretty much just looking at Bach's Sonata for flute and piano in E major, as well as starting back on some rhythm exercises and double tounging. I haven't yet broached the subject of a possible noon-hour recital sometime this fall, but I will either by phone within the next couple of days or at my next lesson.
I then hopped on a bus down to the hospital for my three-hour torture session, er, assessment. It could have been worse, but it wasn't easy. First, I spent maybe about an hour and a half both filling out forms and answering some very challenging questions with a grad student doing her thesis on eating disorder treatment success. I hate having to put a number on things...especially things like 'how much of you wants to change such-and-such behaviour'. I REALLY dislike having to put numbers on things! And then I spoke with one of the nurses attached to the program. Fortunately, it was a lot easier to talk to her in person and she was a lot nicer in person than on the phone...In the end, it was decided that although they were concerned about my past self-harm behaviours as well as my mom's condition being a stress that I could be part of the 21-week CBT group. Now, I'm not totally sure that I'm completely ready for changes. So much of me would like to get so much 'sicker' I guess you could say. I just feel like I'm reaching my limits on having a lack of support with dealing with my mom's cancer and such, and at least this will be a place where I can deal with that...besides, I figure that if I don't try something now, it'll be at least a whole year before I can try something again. I figure that I'd rather try this while my mom is still alive than say something after christmas, when I don't think she's going to last that long.
That brings me to an update on my mom. She was supposed to get more chemo today, but her blood test on monday showed that her white blood cell count was waaaaay down, and her INR has been doing roller coaster imitations once again so she's gone from needing a vitamin k dose to being back on warfarin in only three days' time. The resident's tone was interpreted by my mom to mean that she won't be having chemo next week either. She's been getting so weak lately...I don't think that even if the ct scan shows that the chemo has helped some that she'll be able to manage more than three more chemo treatments. My dad asked me a couple of days ago if I'd read anything about how long death takes after chemo treatments stop. I didn't have an answer for him...
I had my first orchestra rehearsal on monday evening-the first time the orchestra has ever rehearsed on a day other than saturday in it's 90+ year history. For yes, my city's youth orchestra organization is one of the oldest in North America! It went all right. I'm still second flute...I've been second flute every single year in orchestra. But I do get to play piccolo and torture people :P We have a pretty well rounded orchestra-we even have at least three violas and a couple of other violins are interested in going over to the dark side. All we need is confirmation from a fellow student at my university that they'll play oboe in the orchestra and we'll be golden.
Yesterday was two other 'firsts'-first wind ensemble rehearsal and the first ethnomusicology class. Both went rather well. I really think I'm going to like ethno a lot. It's a night course, 7-10 and taught by one of THE best profs at the university. I'm so glad I could take it. Wind ensemble looks like it'll be a good group as well, and I'm looking forward to the rehearsals and recording sessions.
Today...today was my first group session. EVER. I have never actually done a group before, despite how long I've been involved in the 'system'. Let's just say that it was a challenge. It really makes me wonder if I'm ready to change things. I don't really know...
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