Today was not, I will admit, the easiest day. I had a meeting with the dietician this morning, and kind of got blasted for not eating enough, and for not eating enough protein and fat. I'm trying, I really am...I just feel so lost in it all. So it was a bit more frustrating than helpful. We did agree that it might be a good idea given that I often forget to eat, to perhaps get some of my friends on board to help remind me of eating.
From there, the day had several more rough spots...I was tired, frustrated, you get the picture. At least 20th century was a 'rest' class...meaning there was a guest pianist in and doing a recital. So I could sit in a comfortable (mostly) seat and close my eyes! Not sleep, but get some needed rest. I was able to practice before Philosophy of Music, but not that much. And then I was stupid, and ran up the stairs with my tea and started coughing. My mind wandered a bit during the class, and I think I missed a couple of points. Not even really sure why my mind wandered during the class, especially as it was BEFORE I contributed to the discussion and mentioned that one of my best performances was last year during Music Festival, when I was performing Schubert's Arpeggione Sonata and really felt like I was playing for my mom (this related to Nietzsche with Dionysian and Apollonian views). After that, I could easily have imagined myself wandering off, but before didn't really make sense.
My lesson was generally okay after Philosophy but I still felt unsatisfied with myself. Perhaps it was just the day. What really set the day going in an off direction was the Facebook post and then text message that I received from one of my friends...I saw a post about having an ultrasound and then a biopsy in the next few days and of course, my brain thought that it was just related to the stomach virus that she had just a few days ago, that perhaps it was something a bit more. But, when I texted her later, I learned that she was having the biopsy to check for cancer. Breast cancer. She has two lumps in her breast. THAT hit me hard. But, I am glad that I shared this with some of my friends before orchestra. My heart was 3 provinces away though, as she is studying out at a bible college quite some distance away. I wish that she was here, or I could be there for her.
Orchestra, well, let's just say this was not one of our conductor's more amusing or satisfied days. We all left feeling a bit dumb, insulted, exhausted, disappointed, you get the picture. Never a good thing when a university instructor or conductor says that he's feeling like he's working with a middle school group. So that didn't help my day...or any of our days. To top it all off, the rehearsal space was FREEZING, as it sometimes is. I am very, very, very grateful to one of my friends who lent me her sweater to put over top my thin turtleneck...it allowed me to play the last half-hour or so without shivering so crazily from time to time that I looked like I was having seizure.
I didn't get too much work done this evening at the Faculty afterwards, and was not able to print the reading for Philosophy class, because the link seemed to be broken or something like that. Sigh. At least I had some much-needed companionship for awhile walking back with one of the violists, and then talking until we went off to attempt to practice or work on homework/studying. And she was wonderful and put a new water jug on the water cooler/heater so that I was able to make tea! I could barely lift the water jug up that high when I was fully healthy in the early fall (remember...tiny person!), there was NO way that I was going to attempt to lift it in my current state. I tried to work, but I was exhausted, and only got a couple of pages read in my 20th century textbook, let alone any work done on my paper for Research Methods. I did get the notecards sorted this morning before 20th century, so that is at least a start.
My bus ride home was definitely a monday experience. Getting on at the second stop (which is thankfully very close to the Faculty of Music) meant that it was a bit fuller...I was still trying to read the 20th century textbook, so I tried to balance things so I could do so, which meant that I was balancing too much for being in an aisle seat, and pretty soon had just about everything fall when we turned a corner. Including my ipod, but it is fortunately okay, and my notebook did not get dirty. Sigh. A total monday thing though! My second bus took a bit longer to get me home than usual, and I can home to find a letter from the hospital that the cardiologist I was referred to is attached to. I am supposed to have a follow-up appointment on Feb 23, but I will have to reschedule that for another date, because that is the level 2 MYC training seminar during those days. Nothing else was included in the letter, so I still have NO clue what the echocardiogram said...and have to wait probably three weeks to find out. So that was kind of the ending stressor to the day. Something could be wrong, something might not be-it could be a 2-second appointment to say that everything looks okay. Of course, if everything is okay, that certainly leaves a bunch of unanswered questions.
May my tuesday treat me more gently than monday did.
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