What a day! Today was my ensemble audition. It's definitely true that we're our own worst critic. I'm really hoping that I did better than I thought I did. I really, really, really would like to get into the wind ensemble this year-if anything because I do want to be a part of a band, and I won't be if I'm not in wind ensemble because I have a class that clashes with the concert band. But what's done is done. It was good to see my flautist friends again. Being back at the university and playing just felt so good! Even if things don't work out as I would like.
One wonderful thing that I learned today was that a friend of mine is pregnant-and quite possibly with twins because her test was positive too soon and twins run on both sides of her family. I'm SO happy and excited for her! See, it's not just the normal excitement about a pregnancy. My friend, who is an amazing oboeist, is also an amazing surviver. She is a cancer surviver and was one of the first ones I turned to when I found out my mom might have cancer. Not only has she had the maximum number of radiation treatments that a human can handle, but she also exhausted all chemo options. She survived an autologus (her own) bone marrow transplant about two years ago and has since then been cancer free, in complete remission. Now, the fact that she is alive itself is amazing, because she was at one point told she had three weeks left to live. Another time that she described was when she was in the hospital and tired, and suddenly she had a whole bunch of people over her telling her that her body was trying to die. Apparantly, she was mad when they said this and insisted that she was just trying to go to sleep! Anyways, the fact that is now pregnant-and quite possibly with twins is almost a miracle. Chemotherapy and radiation very commonly cause infertility in women-in fact, many young women chose to freeze one of their ovaries if they have the time. My friend, let's call her 'Stacey' has in fact had anaesthesia so often that she cannot have general anaesthesia anymore. She's nothing short of a living, breathing, oboe-playing miracle. And a wonderful person too.
Besides my audition, it was textbook buying day as I had time because I was booked out of work until 11am and my audition was at 9-something. Two textbooks...almost 250 dollars. OUCH. Nothing else to add on that!
This is my last week working at the daycare-at least full-time until next summer. We'll have to see. I'm definitely not ruling out the possibility of working there next summer, or of staying on the substitute list. I love the children, and the staff is pretty awesome too. I really feel like I'm much more of an equal with the staff at this daycare than I did at the daycare I worked at last summer. It's very nice to have a feeling of comradery. It was also two kids' last day at the daycare, and it was a little sad to see the one little boy go. He has a very mild form of autism-very few effects, and he's come far enough that he is no longer classified as having 'additional support needs'. He's charmed his way into all of our hearts though-even mine, and I've only been there for two and a half months. I know we'll all miss him-especially the worker who was his one-on-one when he did need one and one of the other staff...they were crying :(. He's a very special boy, and quite bright too. I don't know how else to talk about it...it's something that happens when you work in a daycare. You care about all of the kids, but there are some that work their way deep into your hearts and never leave, even years later. 'Mark' is one of those kids.
I also got an email from the only other place in my city offering eating disorder treatment services. They don't have any spaces until winter anyways, so the comment by the nurse at the hospital that I should think about that instead doesn't even help, because now is the time to at least start things, not having to wait with much less support until January or even later. When I have that Sept 13th three hour appointment I AM going to mention that. The fact that the other program doesn't have any space until January. What frustrates me about everything is that basically no one does individual eating disorder counselling for those 18 or over unless they are in the intensive program. I think that's a mistake...I really think that individual is the most important part to any treatment and I really find that frustrating. That's another thing I'll talk about at that three-hour appointment.
We found out today that if the chemo my mom's on right now doesn't do much, then there really isn't a 'plan c'. She has two treatments left, one tomorrow and another hopefully two weeks from tomorrow and then they do a CT scan to see if it's working. I don't have a very good feeling about it but I'm trying not to be a pessimist. Plan c is another chemo drug, but it doesn't have a very good track record-not much success at all. And there is always the possibility of side effects. My mom has said that if the side effects sound bad (if the plan b chemo doesn't work) that she probably won't investigate plan c-she'd rather have a few 'good' months than going through a treatment that probably won't do anything except make her more miserable. Which brings me to the idea that I started having a few days ago that I talked about with a couple of my flautist friends today-doing a noon-time recital at the faculty sometime this fall, pretty much on my own, if not totally on my own. Not excessive, just half an hour or forty minutes of music. It's very unlikely that my mom will ever hear my hopefully future performance recitals...I want her to hear and see her daughter performing at least once in such a way. Hopefully, she'll be able to come in person, but I will definitely plan to have someone videotaping the recital. Who, exactly I do not know, but this is something for my mom.
I have to stop, the screen is blurring. I think I'll phone my friend 'Jessie' who's still in the hospital for anorexia. I haven't talked to her in too long.
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