1 Corinthians 13

Since I was twelve years old, and in grade seven, I've had 1 Corinthians 13:4 in my school locker. For a time, my sister, who is 4 years older than me, ran a bit of a youth group at our rather-lacking-in-young-people-around-my-age (but wonderful in every other way!) church. From what I remember, she had us memorizing bible verses for a while, printing them out on strips of paper to carry around and think about. 1 Corinthians 13:4 has stuck with me for nearly eight years. I still keep that original strip of paper in my locker during the school year, and on my filing cabinet beside my desk during the summer break.

Although the whole of 1 Corinthians 13 resounds with me very deeply, verses one, four and thirteen stick with me the most. Verse one, as per the NIV translation reads "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal". For a musician, this analogy really makes sense. A band or an orchestra needs more than just a gong or a cymbal to work. The same is with us. If you're doing good deeds for selfish motives, no matter how much good you provide, they are hollow. Sometimes, it seems that celebrities and political figures do 'good deeds'-providing food to famished countries, adopting children, going on missions trips-to show that they're somehow worthy of their position. I'm not saying that all of them are like this at all. I'm sure many ARE doing deeds because they are guided by love, but it doesn't seem like this all that often at times. At work, and in everything I do, I try to ask myself why I'm doing something. Is it because I want to look good or is it because I care about what I'm doing, feel honoured that I have been given the responsibility to take care of children and give them love when their parents aren't able to take care of them? Love has to be my guide.

Verse four is in some ways, I think, the heart of the chapter : "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud". Working with children, I can certainly relate to the word PATIENT. Children have a way of occasionally trying the patience of even the most patient caregiver! When it's hot outside, or raining, or the room has become very loud, I try to stop for a minute and think of patience, and remembering how much these children need the loving kindness of all of the teachers. They simply don't have the abilities yet to think "Oh, it's raining. I guess I should really calm down today because we're not going outside" and respond to that thought. I've been coming to realize that this verse must also apply to how I react towards myself. Love is patient, love is kind. I've been told time and time again that we are our own worst critic, and that is certainly true. I'm guessing that no one besides me can even tell that I've gained five pounds since summer started, probably because I have been eating snack with the children like all the other teachers and have found it hard to exercise after coming home from work (which is very strange in some ways, as exercising has always been a very key component to my life). However, instead of being patient with myself and kind, I spend hours each day beating myself up mentally for this. God doesn't want me doing this. I'm sure God would like to see me getting back out and exercising more often, but he's not sitting there counting my calories or how fast my heart rate got up to while cycling.

Like so many other chapters of the bible, the final verse closes it so well "and now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love" (1 Corinthians 13:13, NIV). Back in March, when my mom's health was extremely fragile as she waited for surgery following chemotherapy that hadn't worked, my hope and my faith that things would ever be 'okay' again was gone. I felt for sure that the day of the surgery something would go drastically wrong-either she'd have catastrophic bleeding, or react to the anaesthesia, or they would make the incision and find that there wasn't anything they could do. Never a moment passed though when I didn't feel torn apart because of my love for her, and her love for me and the rest of our family. Although my mom and I aren't often able to share very personal things, we are quite close in many other ways-we have many of the same interests, and have a real understanding on a number of subjects. Love is truly the most intense feeling in the world. Hate and anger try to be, but love turns around and gives that anger a great big hug and a mug of creamy hot chocolate with two marshmallows.

Love never fails. I think of the kindness and patience and love that my parents, who are completely human and did make their fair share of mistakes as I was growing up, gave me and know that this is just a taste of the love that God gives me all the time, unconditionally. Sometimes it's hard to remember, amidst the hate and anger that brews, but in the end, love always comes through. My friends are also a wonderful provider of love and patience. Some of them have been there since we first started grade seven together and have walked with me through the angst of the early teenage years, many embarrassing moments (on all of our parts!), music triumphs and disappointments, my struggles through depression including a hospitalization, and this past year's situations. No matter what, they listen and remind me of not only how much they care, but how much God cares. Finally, I see the love that the children have for me. Yesterday, I was rather stressed out. A perceptive six-year-old came up to where I was sitting supervising on the playground and just wrapped her arms around my waist for a little while. No words, just silence for a minute as I hugged her back and looked into her eyes. It was if she knew exactly what was wrong and was saying "You'll get through this. God is with you and so are so many people". Although we adults tend to think that children lack perception and are somewhat self-centered, they often prove that this is wrong. Jesus's famous words that we must become like little children are so true.