Today is my mom's birthday. She would have been 55. It has been difficult leading up to this day, remembering last year...ten days after her birthday, she entered the hospital with an intestinal blockage, just over a month later, she ended her journey with cancer and began her eternal journey. My dad and sister are away on a trip out to the east coast, where my parents went on their honeymoon. I was shelving books in the basement on sunday when I came across a book I read several times many years ago, called "With you and without you" by Ann M. Martin. Most readers would be familiar at least by name with her most popular series "The Baby-Sitters' Club". "With you and without you" is the story of a young teenager losing her father to cardiomyopathy. Well, I really shouldn't have decided to read some of it. The tears began streaming and within a few minutes I was crying hysterically. Perhaps it was about time that I cried again, I hadn't in quite some time, and at least I had the privacy to cry like that, being alone in the house. But, it might have been nice to have it last for a shorter period of time...I think it was about half an hour, and I was getting dizzy and exhausted before I could calm myself down. I'm talking the gasping-for-air type of crying.
Speaking of dizzyiness...saturday I noticed that I was having some trouble keeping my balance. Standing or sitting up straight was fine, but if I bent backwards, or looked upwards, or leaned over to the side, I noticed that I was having to work to make sure I didn't topple over. My head and body just didn't feel 'there'. It wasn't exactly light-headedness, and it wasn't vertigo (spinning), I just wasn't sensing things correctly. Well, on monday I woke up with a killer sore throat and began to develop some sinus issues. Turns out that it was just a weird start to a cold. Monday was probably the worst for the dizzyness, it's resolving some, and my throat is doing better now, which is good. I am still not right though, my sinuses are quite congested, and my brain feels like it is on planet X! The way someone can tell I'm not feeling great is when they hear me saying "Okay, put the lunchbox in the backpack, and pick up your flute". I just can't concentrate very well. It doesn't help that I didn't read my cold medicine bottle very carefully last night, and ended up taking a formula without a decongestant. It did, however, contain a medication to stop runny noses. Doing this meant that about an hour after I went to bed, and after I had fallen asleep I was sudden jerked awake because I COULD NOT breath! It took sometime to get to sleep properly, because it is very hard for me to sleep when I cannot breath through my nose. I will be more careful tonight if I decide to take something. I need the sleep!
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