Obviously, the world has it in for my friends right now...another friend is currently sitting in emergency because coming off of an SSRI has given her excessive shocks (I had them coming off Zoloft and they were brutal) and her B12 levels are very low...again...for unknown reasons. Now, this friend is not one of my eating disorder friends, I know her from orchestra and she is now going into her third year of nursing. She also plays the flute-quite well, I might add. I miss having her around! Hopefully, they figure things out and she'll be okay. And then, another of my friends has messed up her knee and is back to a knee brace and physiotherapy. Granted, her messing up a knee is not uncommon, it started back in grade seven, and has continued, obviously, to this day! Both knees, I might add.
My friend D is doing okay, she had some pretty bad pain a couple of days ago, but they found out that she couldn't handle the tube feeds-AND they'd positioned the tube wrong anyways. So, she's still on morphine, but doing okay on it, and she's able to walk around. They may start back on the tube feeds today or tomorrow, in the meantime she's still getting her fluids+ glucose intravenously. Still not sure if she's going to have to have surgery, but she's looking at at least three to four more weeks in hospital.
In terms of me...I had an appointment with my ICM today after seeing my friend D (same hospital, so it was convenient). Kind of got a little chewing out from her for not yet going to my doctor to start the Imipramine (tricyclic). It came down to this, FEAR. But I do need to be seen by my doctor. I'm just a bit afraid she's going to give me a chewing out if she finds out I've lost weight. When talking with my friend N on saturday, I mentioned that I'd been having a difficult time lately, that I'd lost about 7 or 8 pounds. Her comment was both a discouragement and an encouragement in terms of the ED behaviour. What she said was, very gently, "I thought you looked like you'd lost weight". Logic brain, let's call it Spock Brain says "WHOA. Someone has noticed. This means that you really do need to step back in and take control". ED brain says "Someone's noticed. Great! Your efforts have paid off. Now do more!". I guess I should take some acknowledgement in that I'm able to separate these two brains/thoughts. It is frustrating feeling like I'm completely split in two...almost all the time.
The basement renovations started on monday. As of now, the construction crew has been here almost twelve hours today...as I have learned, renovations mean not only strange sounds, but some strange smells (I'm guessing things like wood and soldering). I'll be happy when it's finished. It felt a bit like Deja Vu going downstairs, because just two or three months ago we had the sump pump put in and the basement floor had a nice giant hole in it and mounds of dirt. Now, to put the bathroom in, there is an almost identical hole and mounds of dirt! I am happy that they are here and working though, and very grateful that my dad has the ability to do this, in large part for me. And I cannot contain my excitement about having my studio downstairs!
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