I might have posted about it before, but this year, after deciding that we (my dad and I) would put up a christmas tree, I said "we just have to wait until after my Sunrise class finishes up! I can't have three-year-olds being so distracted-it's not fair to them OR me!". So, having the class finish this afternoon, my dad and I went out after dinner this evening to the tree lot about a half kilometer away from our house. Where we've always gotten the tree for about 10 years now. Even this late in the season. Walking. Yes, walking, because the car has a service engine soon light on right now and is going into our friendly neighbourhood auto mechanic first thing tomorrow morning. The lot isn't visible for a little ways, so we are almost there when we see that...the trailer is still there...but there are no trees there. Let's just say it was a bit of a let down. I hope that another lot close by still has trees! I really do want a tree up...without it, it'll be even harder this season. It's already hard enough to believe that christmas is less than a week away, it'll never feel like christmas without the tree. Even a true Charlie Brown type tree would be fine with me!
Last night was really hard in the accepting-my-mom-is-gone area and I don't even really know why. My dad and I went to the symphony's performance of Handel's Messiah, which was really wonderfully done...my dad was even humming along at a few points, until I elbowed him rather sharply. I can't really blame him though-I've only sung select chorus parts, whereas he has sung it several times. I know that one time was in December of 1994 because my mom, who was a soprano, would always tell of how she would be practicing, and I would be singing along-and hitting the high B flats. She was a bit flabbergasted...four year olds aren't supposed to be able to hit those high notes! Trust me...I know this as a music teacher. I miss hearing those stories. Yes, my dad will have some, but being a stay-at-home mom during my early years, my mom was really the one with all the stories.
I guess it's safe to say that I miss everything about my mom's presence...except her occasional over-reacting. You know though, to be honest, I've run things through my head, and it is easier having my dad as the surviving parent simply because he is a bit of a rock. I don't know how my mom would have dealt with my dad's death. Fortunately, I will never have to know that.
I am very proud of my dad right now, because after years and years of over-eating and weight gain, topping out at over 250pounds, he has gone back to Weight Watchers, which previously helped him lose about 70 pounds. That was about a week and a half ago-he gos to his meeting on wednesday afternoons, and he figures that he's lost about 8 pounds now. I'm really trying hard have him become one of my 'projects'. I meet with a dietician with the ed program at the clinic on tuesday to discuss my eating stuff. Perhaps between the two of us we cancel each other out and are normal with this thing called eating.
Wish us luck on our tree hunt.
Keep us posted! I really hope you find a tree! The symphony sounds like an awesome night with dad.
ReplyDeleteWell, after lots of searching, the only place that we could find that had trees was not open yet (this was on tuesday) and only seemed to have scotch pines, which are too large for our ornaments. So, I caved and said that we could get a bottle-brush (my mom's phrase for artificial trees). Fortunately, it was on sale...unfortunately, it seems less stable than a real tree! Setting it up yesterday I was a bit short-tempered, and of course that came out on my dad, even though I was not angry at him, but at the artificial tree and the whole tree situation in general. Nothing, repeat nothing, will stop us from having a real tree next year...we just have to look earlier! I haven't decorated it yet, I think I'll put up the lights a little bit later and then decorate with the ornaments after the service this evening.
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