Or perhaps not strange, but just things I never really expected to discuss...with this particular friend. It started out in the typical music student discussion way on Facebook chat, but morphed into a pretty deep discussion. My friend K, who I was talking to, has had some issues with tendonitis acting up. She was due to give her third-year viola recital this past sunday, but had to defer it. We got talking a bit about getting doctor's notes, and I talked about how stressed I had been to get the note, and how like many things, I had been way too concerned with it. K asked me flat out : "Do you have a generalized anxiety disorder or something?" Oddly enough, I felt comfortable enough to say yes. K went on to describe a bit of what has been going on for her with some anxiety and things like that, and we talked a long time. Eventually, I even shared that I had, and am still, undergoing treatment for an eating disorder. This is actually pretty huge for me. To share with someone who didn't tell me that they had an eating disorder first (as was the case with my friend N from the faculty) and is not a medical professional...well...I have done that only ONCE since starting university (until tonight). Obviously, the friends who I have been close with for years since junior high or high school knew, because it was definitely very obvious (it is a lot harder to hide irregular eating in high school), and I was leaning on them a lot during that time (perhaps too much) and was more open.
Funny thing is, although I had considered telling one of my friends at the FoM about it, K is not one of the ones I had thought about telling. Sometimes, things just happen and feel right. My good big sister friend B does know that I take seroquel and some of the basics as to why it was prescribed, but that's about it. I think that at some point, my friend A will probably learn of my eating disorder because from what I heard her talking about once, she dealt with some things when she was younger (teenager or early twenties, she is actually about 30 or 31 I think). And I think that at some point, my flute teacher L will probably learn a bit more about me...given the way I've been going recently, she probably already has some clues to it.
Did this feel really strange, telling someone? Yes, very...but a bit relieving too. I keep up such a tight shield, trying, somewhat unsuccessfully as tonight proved, to maintain that "I'm great, everything is fine, no worries, I'm like a rock, you can always count on me, I'm strong" position and face. Having to hide from fewer people, so to speak...is a good thing.
K kept saying that hearing my personal perspective on 'the system' and how it works was helpful. Although I would rather not be so intimately aware of it, I'm grateful that I was able to provide a bit of insight.
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