Sleep...

Sleep is right now being somewhat of an issue. I know that I desperately need sleep, and will face a difficult time getting up tomorrow at even a quite-late time if I don't fall asleep soon, but my brain is getting the best of me. I could take a slightly higher dose of seroquel (it's allowed), but I'm concerned it would then be even harder to wake up tomorrow morning. It's that rock-and-a-hard place decision.

When you have a family member die of cancer that was not caught until it was extremely advanced when they were not at an advanced age, and when THEIR mother also died of cancer that was not found until it was extremely advanced, you tend to have a heightened awareness or panic for things. That's what's been happening to me a bit this evening. Now, don't get me wrong, the logical me says that even with my history and the stomach issue symptoms it would be incredibly uncommon to have any cancer going on now. But, like I said, the paranoid part of the brain takes over, along with other emotions. Obviously, I will mention more indepth the symptomology the next time I speak with my doctor-who was my mom's doctor as well, and is also my sister's doctor-but I would place my bets that given that it started at pretty much exactly the same time as the breathing episodes (one day earlier), that it's all connected. Still, there is that voice in the back of the head that screams out. I hadn't even drawn the connection at all until tonight, and then it was like a lightbulb of panic went on. And then just a few minutes ago, a lightbulb of panic went on that maybe my sister had cancer too, because even on the gluten-free diet she still can't get off of the iron pills even though her diet is chalk-full of iron, and anemia is one of the prime signs of gastrointestinal cancers. You get the picture.

It's not just being a music student and an MYC teacher that has changed my brain. Taking the involuntary course called "Cancer 101" changed my brain as well...