Decorating the tree

Next year, I take off my makeup before decorating the Christmas tree. Yes, for the first time in weeks, I had actually put on a little bit of makeup before the church service this evening. I didn't want to look sick or anything! When I got home, I decided to put on my new fleece jammies, make some tea and then decorate the Christmas tree while watching the MASH christmas episodes (somewhat of a tradition to put on MASH while decorating the Christmas tree, I've been doing it for years). Anyways, I didn't realize how much decorating the tree would start to affect me. The first one that got me was a glass bird that was always stored in my mom's box of ornaments (all carefully labelled in her somewhat hard to read pencil), and from there it was somewhat downhill, and all those ornaments that I loved made me emotional, just kept tying pretty much every single one to my mom in some way, which I guess is true, they all are in some way or another, or other family members. I guess the one that hurt the most was putting up the blue star that she made in grade one. Just about the simplest ornament on the tree, but one of the most precious.

I've heard it said that the second time around is harder then the first when it comes to things like this. Perhaps that's the case here, and I probably shouldn't expect my emotions to be as stable with everything that has been going on physically too. Basically, today has been a good day, a bit tiring, and I may be sore tomorrow. I went shopping with a friend...well, basically it was her needing to shopping, but she had been off three provinces away at bible college, so it was a chance to see her! And in all honesty, the crowds weren't too bad, and she did okay finding things for her family and sort-of-boyfriend. I even got something I needed-soap from The Body Shop-and a couple of things I didn't-cds on sale at HMV. But, we were walking for a LONG time. Much more then I've been able to do for quite a while! I was really happy that I managed it, but later on, standing for the singing of two carols at once and a prayer, my legs were almost giving out on me...whilst still holding a lit candle. Much longer and I would have HAD to sit down, or had some disastrous fainting results. But I lasted, and even got to see a fellow MYC teacher who attends my sister's church (it was our year to go to her church). I would have seen my dean, the prof I mark for and a fellow music student who plays cello also (they also go to my sister's church) but they had to rush off to pick up their other son/brother at the airport right after! Glad they could all be together for Christmas though.

I guess everything that's shining through right now just shows again how much I miss my mom. Obviously, I would not want to be celebrating a Christmas with her ill, but oh, to go back to the Christmas of  2008 or earlier, for just one more time, before cancer became part of my daily thoughts.