Adventure...not

This is the first time that I have ever thought that all these years of struggling with ED-NOS may have caught up with me. Since November 15th, I have had, off and on, episodes of breathlessness. When this happens, I feel like I just can't take a deep enough breath, which is frustrating for a flautist. These in turn have led to some incidences of increased heart rate/blood pressure. One of these episodes began today at around 5:15 or 5:20 when I was waiting for my friend K's recital to start (one I was really looking forward to). It wasn't too bad during the recital, although I occasionally repositioned myself so that my lungs had more space (slouching down makes it worse). But, it didn't feel all that bad at the time. After the (short) recital, we all traipsed across campus to the place where we rehearse for orchestra (the Mahler and Wagner the orchestra is doing next semester requires four flutes, and I was next in line-really happy to be part of it!). Well, after not even that long into the Wagner-overture to Die Meistersinger-the breathing issues have gotten worse, and then my heart started going crazy. After only about half an hour in, my heart suddenly went into a crazy pounding tachycardia and my hands went completely strange-I couldn't feel them, all I could feel was tingling, but not the 'asleep' tingling. I had to look at my hands to tell that they were moving. My friends sitting beside me noticed that something was wrong and helped took my piccolo and flute from my hands (I had been playing piccolo) so that I wouldn't drop them (thank you thank you thank you L!!!!). Our substitute conductor-who happens to be my normal wind ensemble conductor noticed that something was up, and asked if my instrument was sick. No, it was me that was having issues, not my piccolo. I all of a sudden then had my friend D, who is a lifeguard, taking my pulse and checking my hands, which were white except for the purple nailbeds and shaking like crazy, my conductor over there and my friend B coming over as well! I felt somewhat embarrassed, but glad that I wasn't alone there. B walked me down to the washroom and helped me get my hands back to normal and tried to get me to do some slow and controlled breathing but it wasn't quite working, even walking the halls slowly for a minute or two. When this started, my conductor asked me if I wanted someone to drive me to the hospital, as the brass were just about getting ready to leave. I wanted to see if things would go back to normal quickly, but they weren't. I was still unsure what to do, mostly for fear of worrying my dad lol. B decided that she was going to take the bus with me (it's more than an hour to my house), no matter what I decided to do. As we were walking over, we mutually decided it would be good to get checked out, especially as this had been going on for some time. So, we took the bus to the Urgent Care centre. That is actually my first time going there besides to see someone in the long-term care upstairs earlier this year ( he was 94 and the father of a good family friend of ours-I had made him a prayer shawl). Once there, she helped me get all checked in, and stayed with me until my dad got there. She lives very close to the Urgent Care Centre so it wasn't a problem. I'm so glad that this happened when my WE conductor was conducting and not when the usual orchestra conductor was conducting, because while I would have been able to leave (although perhaps with a frown...), B definitely wouldn't have been able to. I was very glad to have someone, especially on the bus, because I was feeling quite a bit strange still, although not nearly as tachycardic, thankfully. And my hands were back to normal.

Well. Turns out that even trouble breathing and tachycardia are not more serious than twisted ankles. I got checked in just after 8:30, and didn't get taken down to be seen by the doctor until after midnight. I was one of the last ones to get checked out, far behind the twisted ankles and what appeared to be a sore throat. Who knows though, I do not know their stories, there could have been more to it. It just seemed a bit odd to me! Anyways, because of what I had listed, the first thing the nurse did when checking me in the room was listen to my lungs, which were fine (thankfully). The doctor then came in, and did the usual stethoscope on the chest...only it wasn't so usual. In all the other check-ups I have had, the stethoscope has moved quite a bit, relatively quickly. This time, he had the stethoscope in the same place for quite some time, and I knew something was up. As I already knew, my heart rate was elevated, but what I was unaware of was that he was hearing a heart murmur. I have never previously been told that I have a heart murmur, so this is something new. Having heard the heart murmur, a whole other serious of tests then began, beginning with an EKG (which was much less hard then I had feared, I was allowed to keep my sweater on and really my main embarrassment was in my lack of shaved legs...hello, it's winter in Canada...), then bloodwork, which was not so easy. The nurse really cut off the circulation in my arm so I did not even feel the needle going in, and it took a while, so my left hand was really beginning to hurt from lack of circulation! It's the first time I've ever had blood drawn while lying down, so that was an experience as well-I like to see things, and I couldn't really this time. Then, I had to wait for sometime before going up to get a chest x-ray. Then more waiting, and more waiting. I had taken my 20th century textbook back with me and throughout read up on Charles Ives, Henry Cowell, Harry Partch, Edgard Varese, and Stravinsky.

In the end, the things that were wrong, and had possibly caused the episode (s) were the heart murmur, and the low-ish potassium that they found on the blood work. My iron was okay, which really surprised me, and my sodium level was all right. The doctor told me to eat bananas, which I have been doing this week. I have two referrals that have been sent off, one for an echocardiogram, and the other for internal medicine. If there is a reason for the heart murmur, it is likely caused by something with one or more valves in my heart. The most likely of these (although he did not say so) is mitral valve prolapse...which some estimates say up to 30% of people with eating disorders have. Mitral valve prolapse is generally a benign condition but can cause BREATHLESSNESS. Go figure. My hope is that these referrals can be taken care of during my break, but I'm not holding my breath (that was difficult enough for the x-ray). And after five hours in urgent care after a scary episode, what can I say when I give bad puns?

My blood protein levels were also high, which is strange, especially for this vegetarian who has been a 'carbovore' the past week or so. Not sure where that is going to lead.

The dr mentioned that the hand tingling could be Raynaud's syndrome, but after doing a little more research, I don't think it's that likely-for one thing, my hands aren't that sensitive to the cold, and they did not exhibit the typical red flushing and pins-needles tingling afterwards. I think the hands tingling was directly related to the other issues and am in some ways grateful for this turn of events, as it forced me-in the presence of others as a further incentive! (plus safety)-to get checked out.

The hardest part of tonight actually was the fact that the urgent care centre-several kilometres away from the hospital right by my house-in the exam rooms-smells exactly the same, and I was immediately drawn back to my mom's last emergency room admission, on September 30th last year. Smells are a very powerful trigger for things.

And now, I really must go to bed. I have my teacher visitation tomorrow and am also going out to see my friend N, who is being re-admitted to the ward for her eating disorder. My heart really, really hurts for her. She actually was in the ER today for low potassium...yikes...