:(

Not as good a day today as I had been hoping for. My opera history professor actually woke me up this morning phoning a little before ten. Now, I am not a person that usually sleeps in, and I have NOT been going to bed that late even...usually a bit before midnight, and falling asleep pretty fast (even on this 25mg dose of seroquel). But, I have been needing a LOT more sleep then the average 21 year old. I felt somewhat embarrassed talking like a zombie, but I was still zonked. Perhaps learning that, yes, the second half of my exam WAS going to be written in the afternoon exacerbated things, but I realized that I felt pretty sick when I got off the phone (and I was still lying down...my cell phone alarms had of course gone off at 8:30, my attempt to get up after a reasonable amount of sleep...but I just kept shutting them off-but it meant that my cell phone was on and nearby or I would have missed the call!). That was the first disappointment to the day, because I really hadn't been feeling that nauseous waking up for a few days. It felt like everything was backtracking. I laughed with my friends on sunday evening that I had thought about posting a complaint status on facebook that I wanted to stop feeling sick every morning, but changed my mind when I realized that it would look like I was pregnant! I wasn't really able to eat lunch, just sloooowly nibbled on a kashi granola bar while writing the exam, which fortunately went better then the listening portion. And, I got some good news in that my professor told me that everyone (all five of us) had not done as well as he had expected on the listening section, so he was going to be bumping the marks up. Okay, so that's not exactly amazing news, but it means that everyone is going to do better...if it had just been me not doing amazing, than it would not have been changed!

I have definitely had less energy today...perhaps I exerted too much yesterday going to an appointment (an 80 minute trip on the bus...each way!), and then cooking a 15-minute dinner? I don't know, but at least that 15 minute dinner is healthy-channa masala and a source of protein and mono-unsaturated fat. These days, given that it is very hard to cook for several reasons, I have tended to fall onto super easy things...sometimes two meals a day, and a lot of cereal with not very much milk. It's even hard to tell my dad what to put on the grocery list. Exhaustion and fighting some stomach issues does not make things easier in the food department. As I told my dad while we were putting up lights on the tree (finally, it's been sitting there at least a week), don't look at me strangely if I make brussel sprouts or sweat potato fries later tonight, which I am actually probably going to make both...need the vegetables and the food period. Yes, they are not 'fresh', but all things told, of processed foods, they could be a LOT worse. I still get the fibre, vitamin A, vitamin C, etc. And they actually sound appetizing.

It's a little bit disheartening to me that I will have DW (the university term for incomplete) sitting as my grades for things until stuff gets completed. Yes, it's all going to change, but it's still frustrating. I hate having low energy, but it has given me a taste of what my mom went through...probably X 100. Although, she had trouble sleeping...so not quite the same. I'm sleeping so much.

Still, I have to take the small improvements that HAVE come. Going up the stairs was a lot easier today then last week, and my hands did not shake nearly as much or nearly as badly at the end of the exam. I was able to cook last night, even if it did exhaust me, and able to eat what I cooked-both yesterday and today. Tomorrow is another day, and with the grace of God, I will be a bit better tomorrow then I was today. This is my path, and I can do it, slowly but surely. I just have to be patient, and work with my body the way it is.

And now, time to make some red tea, cook some more food, and watch MASH. Yes, I have an essay I should work on, but I need to take things into consideration. Busing more then two hours to the university, writing for at least 1.25 hours, and dealing with some degree more of illness today means that it is not very reasonable to expect myself to work on the essay, and I am probably asking for trouble if I do.

Let go and Let God