Sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

A few years ago I heard that phrase, but I never imagined it would apply to me, and certainly not at this point in my life. Until November, I really did consider myself to be quite healthy. Sure, I was short, and sure I'd struggled with anxiety/depression/ED-NOS...but physically, I was fine. I could run, I hadn't had anything more than a cold in four years (not since Nov 2007 when I had bronchitis), and there was nothing that was really warning me that something was about to happen. It all came about with a bit of a bang, so to speak. When it comes down to it, I guess I have a habit of having things be 'spectacular', whether good or bad. December 7th was definitely a spectacular bad example of this habit.

I know that I am blessed, and that God is with me...but at times like this, when I struggle to get breathing properly, and I'm feeling so frustrated and hopeless, and unsure (should I phone my family doctor and set up an appointment? would that do anything? Am I allowed to phone my internal medicine specialist and mention that things are getting worse, not better? Are they going to be sending me a letter to let me know of another appointment time given that they will very soon-if not already-have the negative results from the asthma test?), I feel very alone, frustrated, frightened...

I just want to be ME again, the ME I was before November 14th when things first started to go wrong (although that was the day my stomach started going wrong, my lungs were the next day). Playing my flute is, well, it's ME. Nothing, nothing, NOTHING is more frustrating than when I cannot play my flute properly because of my breathing. And I sound like a broken record, but this is how it is.

As I dealt with things with my mom before-the unsurety of things-I am now dealing with that myself. Obviously, this is a different situation, and it is not (right now) life or death.

Random bible verse for tonight: Luke 6:27-28 "Later, as Jesus left the town, he saw a tax collector named Levi sitting at his tax-collection booth. "Come, be my disciple!" Jesus said to him. So Levi got up, left everything, and followed him."