March

March is a difficult month for university students. I think that's pretty much the only way to sum things up! I actually ended up crying at the end of my lesson on monday...I am just so tired of this! My flute instructor felt so bad then, because not only had I started to break down there, but my friend M. had in masterclass just the hour previously! Poor L...

I think the best way to describe it would be "Super Spontaneous Tears Over Nothing".

Tonight, it is time to torture myself. Meaning that I HAVE GOT TO FINISH THIS PAPER ON CARMEN for tomorrow afternoon. Or else I get an F in the course. Not exactly wanting that. This is what happens when the professor makes the paper worth 55% of your grade...

Am I concerned? Yes, I am. Quite. Concerned that I won't get it finished, yes. Concerned that if I do get it finished, it will be in extreme detriment to other things, yes. Like my health. If you recall, the last time I had to work very long hours on a paper, back in December, it kind of messed things up a bit, and was only a few days before the gigantic mess-up. I am concerned that I might have to miss classes to finish this, and with 20th century, I have missed five classes already. So, two of theme were medical appointments, one was music festival, one I was sick (I really was, but not quite in the way that Professor S perhaps thought I was), and then the other one was a combination of mattress-over-mind and studying for philosophy of music because I'd been so messed up and perfectionist-procrastination over it. I also don't want to miss choir, I don't want to miss figuring out presentation stuff with my fellow presenters for friday...

What I want to do is get this paper finished, and not become ill from doing it. The problem is, I don't think I can have it both ways...