One of the assignments due during the last two weeks was a short essay for Research Methods. It was, literally, done at the last second. I sent it in at 11:59pm the day it was due. I had both procrastinated and not carefully read the assignment requirements. I ended up writing the essay in the space of about 3 hours (it was a 2-page max essay). I was fortunate enough that the original topic I had chosen was able to be turned into the topic I was supposed to have. I had done my research for the topic 'The development of the Boehm flute'. It turns out that the topic was limited to program notes, biographical, composition analysis, or source analysis. Well, my topic was not one of those choices! I was fortunate that I could take the biographical approach of focusing on the development of the flute and instead write a biographical analysis of Theobald Boehm. I felt like it was just about the most horrible piece of writing I had ever done. I was fearing failure, expecting at most a mark in the 60% range. So, I feel incredibly lucky to find out tonight that I received I mark of 84%. Not quite my usual standard, but not bad for a last-minute, last-minute topic change paper.
So, the essay didn't go so badly. The 20th Century midterm exam however, is a different story. It was, literally, THE WORST TEST OR EXAM I HAVE EVER WRITTEN. I broke down after it, and I can say that I don't think one single person in my class felt even okay with it, let alone good about it. In all honesty, if our 20th Century professor was found murdered, they would have to consider all of us as suspects. It was miserable-the history parts of the exam were on topics that were not emphasized during the exam review, the exam was too long for completion in an hour, and one of the questions was a typo that left all of us searching for the answer and not finding it! Overall, it was an incredibly dreadful experience, one that I DO NOT wish to repeat again.
This week is another busy week, I have a test in Research Methods on citations on tuesday, an essay proposal due for friday for 20th Century, and then the Carmina Burana performance coming up next sunday (which means an extra rehearsal on saturday). In the midst of school, I then have the looming experience of last year at this time always following me. Friday when I broke down about the exam, it wasn't just because of the exam...it was, well, everything. I miss my mom, I miss how the house felt with more people in it, even though I am a private type of person and like my space. I guess I just miss how things were, for better or for worse. I feel guilty sometimes when I say that in some ways, some things are better, and not just in the not-dealing-with-cancer aspect. For instance, me cutting way back on meat, I'm sure that my mom would never have let me do that (I'm planning on starting to cook entirely for myself next weekend). Overall though, nothing will ever replace those good times. I can't believe it's been more than a year since the good times. In just over a week, it will be a year without her. I can't believe that it's been two years since we began seeing cancer in a different light. The calender may have marked my adulthood as July 3rd 2008, but it really began in November of 2009, when my mom was diagnosed.
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