"Home"

I watched the televised state funeral for Jack Layton this afternoon. In Canada, state funerals typically involve quite a bit of bagpipes for the processions. Well, when I first turned on the tv, I cringed, because when Dvorak wrote the second movement of his New World Symphony (one of my absolute favourites) he did not exactly have the bagpipes in mind. I even stated, with a shake of my head, that Dvorak would be rolling over in his grave. What really got me however was at the final processional at the end of the funeral. I wondered why the bagpipe music was evoking such a strong response in me, and it finally dawned that it was a piece (or one very similar to it) called "Home". "Home" is the piece that the bagpiper played when my mom's ashes were interned.

Perhaps in all of this I have once again become paranoid, but it is annoying,frustrating and a bit terrifying when I start having the thoughts of my dad dying-suddenly. I hadn't really been thinking that way for some time, but the past couple of weeks, it's been happening again. It's almost like a parent or caregiver of a small child...when they're quiet, you get worried that something is wrong, whether it's that they've gotten into the bathroom cupboard and unrolled all the toilet paper or that they've fallen down and stopped breathing. If I'm not hearing him when I leave my room-either the tv, or the computer, or his machine (and sometimes snoring) I tend to get slightly concerned. Hopefully, these 'visions' from my rather more active than I would like it to be imagination will calm down again soon!