Another year

Another year has nearly gone by. As a teacher, I measure years based on the September start of classes, not really the January calendar change. But as a young woman whose mother died in early November, and whose mother was diagnosed in November the year before that, I also measure years based on November. Four years ago, my mom was diagnosed with serious cancer, and almost three years ago she died from that cancer. Does it ever seem right or fair? No. Things will never feel right with how it happened. It was of course supposed to happen when I was in my fifties or sixties, perhaps even closer to seventy! Not when I was twenty, and not in the way that it did.

Still, things are mostly pretty good although there will still be strange and challenging moments. Although I have done a lot of cleaning and organizing, at times I will still find something related to her that surprises me. Sometimes this is a good surprise, sometimes not. It still hurts, and likely always will hurt that I was never able to discuss my love of teaching my classes with her. She was THE MYC parent, the to-die-for type on almost every aspect. I say almost because in my child mind especially with some retrospect, she could have handled composing and some practice times better! But that is very much in the past.

Sometimes, life feels very surreal. It seems impossible to believe all that has happened in the past three or four years. We lived through cancer and death from cancer, I started teaching, I became sick and finally received my diagnosis, my dad became engaged, and next summer I will have a much larger family. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would have five step-siblings, let alone three step brothers, but it is happening! Life goes on.