Feeling like a broken record

Feeling like a broken record, really. If I have one day where there is a little bit more energy and I can get a little bit more done, then the next day, I feel worse. Praying that tuesday 's phone call to my doctor brings the news that I need to hear: "Something is up with your bloodwork, but we can fix it. Can you come in this week?"

I'm tired of feeling tired!!! Things just don't feel right, period. And because I'm such a Type A personality to begin with, not being able to accomplish things is HARD. Especially when there is no definitive reason (so far) as to why it is so. If I got a diagnosis of something serious, I'd actually be okay with it. But I'm sitting, and really have been sitting, in diagnosis limbo for going on a year and a half. Possibly even longer. If things do come back hypothyroid, I'm going to guess that I've had some degree of hypothyroidism for years, probably since my teenage years. It would explain why all the antidepressants that I was on (prozac, celexa, zoloft) didn't help me when they typically have a pretty good success rate. To go through three like that with no changes besides unpleasant physical side effects is decently uncommon.

Mostly, I just miss having energy. I was never a very high energy person, but until around the summer of 2011, I never experienced stuff like this. Even then, it wasn't that bad. Although I might be underestimating things simply because it was summer, and I wasn't working outside of my house or going to university classes. Things are a little bit different when one of your main jobs actually (kidding to no one) is to do a LOT of colouring (this is what happens when you are an MYC teacher!) I never felt like I needed a nap or to lie down unless I was sick or had been seriously sleep deprived (ex, less than 5 hours of sleep). Flash forward to sometime in the mid-fall of 2011. I realize that I'm getting more and more tired, so I cut back on my Seroquel gradually. This doesn't seem to help. Now, I WAS sleep depriving myself to try to get things done. I'm not sure which came first...being tired or sleep deprivation. Unfortunately, even with more sleep, the problems continued, leading to my 'crash' of physical symptoms on December 7th 2011 and the start of this journey.

I'm just tired. If I could kick ONE of the symptoms I have out the window, I would kick the tiredness. Period. I could deal with constipation, NO appetite, dry skin, cold hands and feet, feeling cold most of the time unless I'm wearing extra layers/put on a blanket (even then it's iffy), low body temperature (I saw 97.8 degrees mid-afternoon today and was surprised to see it that high), even needing more sleep if only I could have energy when awake.

Okay, so I could have spent the 10 minutes I spent writing this post working on the paper that is due on wednesday. But sometimes, I have to cry a bit out to someone/something/anything. It helps a little bit...