Last September, when my dad and sister went east for two weeks, I was happy for them, enjoyed having the house to myself, etc etc. My dad left for a twelve day trip to Great Britain today, very early this morning. It's his first time over there since he was 21...my age. He's now 63. So explain why I am feeling, well, lonely?Perhaps even, scared? (!!!) I guess I'm just at a different place then I was in September. September, before I heard those words that changed everything, "You have a heart murmur, did you know that?". Before I started having problems breathing, and eating (physically).
I'm sure it will improve tomorrow. I think this is just a sign that I need to see people my own age again, and SOON. And really chill. I guess things were different because in September, I was in school. And I have to say that I didn't feel slightly creeped out with the windows open, because they weren't! Now, well, I got a bit creeped out when I was downstairs cataloguing yarn/putting yarn away while watching I dream of Jeannie and the windows were open upstairs. But, I wasn't about to just close them up and negate all the cooling evening air. I guess it was really only the living room and dining room windows that bothered me, because they are the ones that are big enough-and low enough-to the ground that someone could come in them. The others, yes, someone could come in them, but they're pretty high up. You'd have to be quite tall and strong or have a ladder to manage it.
I guess this is also part of having entered into the 3 weeks on for more challenging depression. Generally, it seems like I have three weeks of harder depression, and one week where it isn't so bad. It kind of messes up the brain. (Kind of?)
Cataloguing yarn. Having inherited a lot of yarn...in addition to buying a lot on my own...there is a lot of yarn in the house. Fortunately, it catalogues faster than music! A large percentage of it was catalogued and stored back neatly in the closet in the library this evening. Basically the only thing in that closet is yarn. Yarn in boxes, yarn in the two dressers that used to be in my room when I was a little girl, yarn in a couple of bags. Some other craft supplies are in a cardboard chest of drawers that also used to be in my room. For many years it stored sorted barbie things...Now, it stores needle point, embroidery, glue guns, beads...
As I often say to my friends, there are a few things that my house has in abundance: Yarn, fabric, music(both print and recorded), and books. I guess I can add musical instruments to the list as well!
One of the things I want to do this summer is make my first true quilt, and then donate it to Project Linus. I just finished another crochet blanket for Project Linus today, and with all the fabric around, it would be a nice challenge to learn something new. I've done some sewing in the past, but not for a couple of years. Well, I guess about two years exactly...I think that I probably did one or two things after my mom got sick. When it comes to sewing I dearly wish that I had her around for guidance, but I guess I'll just have to rely on my memory and on Sewing for Dummies and any other books that I've since purchased on the subject!
Enough for now. Writing has actually helped soothe me, and I think I'll go take a nice hot bath and then go to bed...with a good 'comfort book' and some music of course!
Wow! I randomly found your site. I'm 36 but can so relate to many things you wrote in your post. From the little things like being in the marching band in high school. New World sy was our field show one year.I follow so many kids on cb/coles pages and cp pages. So many that I'm not doing a good job at it. I saw that you followed Ila Bean. Such beautiful blue eyes. This past week it seems the neblastoma kids have had a lot of deaths. Why did you start following these kids? In college I did internships at Disney and volunteered at Give Kids the World. Later I volunteered as a wish granter for make a wish. Now I sign guests books for www.colesfoundation.I'm so sorry you lost your mom to cancer. I HATE cancer so much!!!Through colespages I met a sweet little girl that lived three hours away from me. In Sept 2010 her family had just found out she relasped and her drs gave her 3 months or less.. She had the cancer at 9 months and had been fighting most of her life. I got pretty close to the family. She died 10/6/11. They think brain bleed. I also can relate to ed . You can e-mail me if you want. Hugs! Sarah PS Where are you from
ReplyDeleteI am in Canada, in the prairies (for the sake of privacy I don't go into detail further online). Back very shortly after my mom died from cancer, I read a book called "Notes left behind", written by the parents of a little girl who died from DIPG. At the end was the site for the foundation that they started, called "The Cure Starts Now", dedicated to working towards a cure for pediatric brain tumors, one of the hardest cancers to treat. Anyways, I clicked on the page "Our Heroes", and followed the links to the sites of these children if they had one...in my own grief, reaching out through the internet and following the strength of these families and occasionally providing words of support or encouragement helped me heal. As you may be aware, families post asking for prayers and words of encouragement for other families, which then leads to following more children. Ironically, last summer, one of my high school classmates was diagnosed with a brain-stem tumor. He is one of the extraordinarily lucky ones...it was non-cancerous, and the radiation COMPLETELY eliminated it.
DeleteThat's kind of how I got into it...It makes me more dedicated to keeping pressing for awareness of pediatric and other rare cancers, not just for the obvious amazing benefits that come from helping out the most precious gifts to everyone, but in the very important information that comes from research in these tough cancers. Chemotherapy was in fact first shown to be effective in a pediatric cancer...