Thoughts for the day

Thoughts to remember for January 9th, 2013.

14 hour days at the university are long

I need to sleep a bit more on tuesday nights

Empty practice rooms = excessive joy (almost to the point of dancing in the hallway)

7 minute psychology classes equalling a 30 minute round trip of walking = some frustration

Few hunger cues = difficulty eating

Productivity in the faculty of music library = almost zero (and WHY I never seem to remember this after almost five years there is beyond me)

I officially worry too much about grades (that George Steiner paper I was freaking out about received an A)

My body on 16 hours away from my house seems to officially hate me...spent most of the day either quite thirsty, suffering the results of that thirst, or trying to get my brain to work, forgetting to eat/just not eating which resulted in being somewhat (somewhat?!) shaky/tired during my 3-hour class this evening. Honestly, that ad for that one medication where the door on the women's washroom talks to the teacher...that's about how I felt today. And don't ask me why I was so thirsty with so much water and tea going in, and it wasn't like yesterday was bad. My lips too are really cracked and painful right now. We shall see what tomorrow holds, obviously, if this thirst thing keeps up more than another day or so, I need to get it checked ASAP. Diabetes is one potential risk factor from taking seroquel. Not to mention that if I do have Mosaic Turner's then I am at greater risk for diabetes.

And the last thought for the day...receiving A grades when getting back papers after waiting through a three hour class leads to a huge relaxation from stress, which in turn leads to an almost insane level of exuberance. Normally, at that time of night on the bus, I want to put on Chopin or something like that. Nope, tonight I was listening to the overture to Candide, Mambo from West Side Story, part of Suite Antique by John Rutter, March of the Belgian Paratroopers, the MYC Theme Song, Celtic Partita (that one comes as no surprise however, I think I have listened to it more than 100 times on my ipod alone now)...and not only that, I was texting some of my friends and whatnot, which is also not really typical of me on the bus home at 10pm at night! Now I need to relax and sleep!

Right place at the right time

That definitely explains how this afternoon's events were. My friend N and I were having tea and coffee together at a Tim Hortons downtown when our friend D came in. I guess she had been waiting for the bus outside and had seen us. Well, we immediately knew something was NOT right (besides just having her wisdom teeth out yesterday) and we were correct. She was planning on bussing down to the emergency room because she realized she had taken too many T3's over the past day, which hadn't helped anyways and that she was probably getting really dehydrated. My friend N and I certainly weren't about to let her go bussing down alone! Well, I found out just how crowded emergency rooms can be-even during midday-during flu season. When she was finally triaged (which was about half an hour), N and I were even more glad that we insisted on bussing down with her (although I must say she didn't put up much of a fuss :))...D's blood pressure was only 80/50! That's getting close to shock range, and she was triaged as a 2. 1 is reserved for people who are REALLY in need of immediate attention (heart attack, stroke, etc), and the scale goes all the way up to 5. I sure hope that she got looked at quickly...N and I left after she was triaged and had her bracelet put on and what-not, and D was going to send us a text to let us know things. It's now four hours since we left her and I haven't heard anything yet. Like N and I, D is an ED patient, and has some physical issues that she deals with on a daily basis as a result. We were probably quite a picture actually, 2 relatively small girls refusing to take off our winter coats at all on either side of an equally small girl who looked like she could easily faint at any minute, not to mention looking in pretty severe pain. Seeing her walk over to the triage desk was hard to watch. It was equally hard to leave her, but I knew that once she was triaged, she would be in good hands and that she probably did need some space at that point.

Just glad that we were in the right place at the right time today. Finding out her blood pressure was so low was kind of scary!

Bernat Baby's Breath Blanket

Finished weaving in the ends of this blanket tonight. I started it on...new year's eve (?) I think, so it took about a week to make...and that wasn't even with exclusive or really all that much knitting. It's a super bulky yarn called Bernat Baby's Breath, and the pattern is pretty simple. Unfortunately, the yarn has been discontinued, but I have enough of this yarn left to make two more blankets, and Bernat does always provide an 'acceptable' substitute yarn, so I can still use the patterns again. I'm going to make a pink cabled blanket with some extra top and bottom edging in a pink/blue mixed colour called 'Baby Powder' next, and I have enough green and yellow yarn to make a blanket the 'reverse' of this one-green as the main colour, yellow as the contrast. I doubt that it will get finished quite as quickly as this one though...classes started back at the university today! Just one, and we all had our laugh in that our professor showed up at the wrong classroom. Given that we had all had him for at least two, if not three classes previously, we were actually somewhat concerned when he didn't show up on time because he is punctual to a fault. Unfortunately, my kidneys or whatever decided to be stupid, and I was in quite a bit of discomfort for most of the class...my notes are hardly even legible, I just wanted it to be finished. It was good to see some of my friends and fellow students again, and I was happy to see that four that I know very well were in the class with me-my friends R, K, M and K...quite an assortment, as in order, they play oboe, viola, composer, and french horn. Oh, and my other composer friend IC. It's always nice to know that you are in a class with fellow hard-working students.

Well, I need to go to bed soon...have been up since 6:15, and can't sleep in too long tomorrow...have a funeral that I really should attend, and then meeting up with my friend N for some much needed coffee/tea talk! Plus, my room has gotten surprisingly disorganized for being perfectly organized when I left my house at 7:00 this morning. Must sort that out.

Internet research

Internet research for me is usually a stupid thing...especially when I start doing it after midnight, in near-darkness (I have some candles lit and my computer screen, that's it), alone...you get the picture.

Tonight's research revealed yet another sign that I could have mosaic turner's syndrome. Stupid me after watching a Dr. Phil episode on youtube (laugh all you want...) that talked about a woman with PCOS who was obsessed with trying to have a child decided to see if anyone had followed up my post on the carepages Mosaic Turner's syndrome board (the answer, incidentally, is no). Well...I did a little reading, and the phrase AFP test-which I know from my past courses to be a test done on just about all pregnant women at various points during their pregnancy-came up. I know that when my mom was pregnant with me that there were some concerns with a certain blood test level-that something was elevated and indicated a risk of things like neurotube defects. My parents elected to not have further screening, because they said that no matter what the result-mental disabilities, spina bifida etc-that they would love the child God had given them...so they didn't want to put my mom/me at further risk through testing by amniocentesis. Now...the AFP test DOES test for things like neurotube defects. I think that's the one that my mom had that was elevated (I wish I could ask her right now, I doubt my dad would remember, although I just may ask him). If the baby has Turner's syndrome-of any form, apparently-the AFP test during the second and third trimesters can be elevated.

The past week and a half has been very stressful. More stressful really then last year around this time when I was waiting for tests on my heart and having to defer things and wondering if I would ever get back to normal and be able to be a student and what-not. Because of my rather, well, public display of symptoms that practically made my wind-ensemble-subbing-for-orchestra-director phone 911, and because I had to defer things...in a small faculty...I had a lot of support. I will never forget the professor-one of the ones that I had to defer an exam with-coming out of his office to check on me and find out how I was doing when he heard my voice talking with K, the professor I mark for, and offering support. And this is a professor that I typically wouldn't really think of as that supportive or anything like that, very fair, but pretty strict and his courses are not the easiest courses in the world. THAT is the type of faculty that I am in.

If I haven't even faced up to telling my dad and my sister yet...

My friend B, who is absolutely amazing (in all ways), was the first that I told about the mosaic turner's possibility. Her words of wisdom have helped me through all of the tough situations I have been through since meeting her...during my second year of university, which for anyone who has read my blog for a while knows, is when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Anyways...I mentioned that I'd really been having a hard time the past few days, having either headaches or stomachaches and disturbing dreams. Her words exactly were "well NO ONE has ever said that what you have gone through and continue to go through it easy in any way.

You are handling an incredibly stressful situation with an immense amount of courage, poise and grace.

you are an inspiration to everyone who knows you, headaches, tummy aches, nightmares and all."

Well. I certainly didn't feel like an inspiration at that point. I felt a bit like I was starting to fall apart again, taking tylenol or advil almost everyday, having a day-long stomachache that was so bad and so strange that if it hadn't resolved, I honestly would have gone over to emergency or at least phoned up our 24-hr nurses' line, because I was weirdly bloated, felt like I could feel strange things when I gently touched my abdomen (remember also that I am quite thin, so I can sometimes feel things...), and it wasn't really like any I've had before...I sort of know my stomach pains, I guess I've had them often enough. Enough to know the 'danger' ones and the ones that are annoying, but not potentially embarrassing. My heating pad has been one of my best friends over the years.

I don't know. I think I may talk to my dad briefly tomorrow just to ask a little bit more and see if he remembers what type of test my mom had...either that, or I'm going to try to dig into the filing cabinet and see if I still have her medical records from the time about that-she kept somewhat detailed yet brief notes on appointments for a time...although she stopped when I was very small.

I wish that 2-4 months wait was up. I just want to know so that I can get on with things and know what my future may look like.

Birth and death

I have only been up for less than three hours (and woke up with a pretty miserable morning headache), but it has already been a morning of birth and death. My friend J gave birth to a beautiful, healthy, 7lb 5oz baby girl at 3:37 this morning, but a read through the paper informed me that my former wind ensemble director's mother died a couple of days ago. Although she was 88, I know the pain that he is feeling right now. It isn't pleasant...

Birth and death...the cycle of life in one day.

Good way to start the new year

Perhaps a good way to start the new year is by finishing a baby blanket! I guess I'm in a bit of a rut, but I do like the pattern...

This is yet another Bernat Baby Spot round crocheted blanket, in a colour that you won't see online, 'Lollipop Drop'. I am not sure why they call it that colour, as to me it looks a lot more like tangerine. Either way, I think it's a nice change from some of the pastels that babies always have. It's not quite as bright in person.

Stats of 2012

Happy stats...the stats of things made!

16 prayer shawls. Definitely my biggest prayer shawl output, and puts the total number I have made at 51.
7 baby blankets for project linus.
2 baby blankets for friends.
6 scarves
4 pairs of mittens
1 hat
2 draft stopper snakes (made from odds and ends of yarn).

Happy stats.

Especially when compared to the unhappy stats I am privy to in following things such as the childhood cancer world, the pediatric heart world, and the world of adoption.

This morning's email brought the sad news that Alyssa Divers' battle with osteogenic sarcoma was over, and that Ethan Hallmark has relapsed again with neuroblastoma. Ariel Gariano and Lily Anderson recently finished their battles after years of rhabdomyosarcoma and neuroblastoma...two words that are so atrocious that my computer's spellcheck doesn't even accept them until I teach it that they are, unfortunately, part of the english language. The adoption ban for USA parents to adopt children from Russia may soon take effect...

Sometimes, in the midst of this, you really think that perhaps it would have been better to have had the Mayans or Harold Camping be right. But then I remember that God has set us here for a purpose. We were never promised an easy life, only that we would not be alone in our walk, no matter how difficult it became, and that we all have a purpose. Words to remember. Live each moment to have a purpose...sometimes, that purpose will be to just relax and do nothing and thereby take care of yourself...sometimes that purpose will be to help others, sometimes that purpose will be to take care of God's creation. Obviously, it's hard to live each moment with purpose, but I really think it comes down to living meaningfully instead of rambling and idling through life as if someone else is driving. This is our life.