Seriously, that is probably the number of times I managed to smile today. Once. When my friend D and I were talking online, and he mentioned in his logical way that the snow would NOT be here in July for our birthdays. It certainly feels like that.
I had my History of Antisemitism and the Holocaust exam today. Not quite sure how it went except that my wrist is hurting now. There should be some rule against three hour long exams. I don't think I'll do quite as well as I did on the midterm, when I got the third highest mark in the class. I really hope that I get at least 75% (B+) on this exam so that I can get an A in the course.
I don't know. I've just felt well, sad/upset/something today.
Like maybe things are really hitting me. That I may have no fertility, even though I do cycle right now on my own, despite it's weirdness. That I might never be able to have children physically.
Even since I was a little girl, I've felt like it was part of God's plan for me to have children of my own. Yes, adoption is always an option, but I've always felt that it was a part of God's plan for me physically to have children. Now, genetics is telling me that that's quite unlikely.
I got the blood and urinalysis results back-most of them that is. Still waiting on the antibodies results. Turns out that for the 'phase' I was in, my hormone levels were 'normal'. However, it's just a snapshot. I don't know whether I am going to need to go onto HRT, such as estrogen-progesterone birth control pills or not. I don't know whether that would help me to feel better or not. I don't know whether that will make me feel WORSE or not.
Yesterday, I had an intense feeling of missing my mom. This is one time when I think I'd want to talk to her. But I can't. And THAT is one thing I know is not going to change.
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