Usually, bible study leaves me feeling inspired and wanting to discuss more, with energy. Today, it left me feeling as unsettled as when I woke up this morning from my dream that my dad died.
For some reason, the topic shifted to the concept of hell. And then to suicide. And someone (one of my dear friends, actually, but she has only known me for about two years) brought up a 'person who committed suicide and went to hell and God brought them back to earth' story.
Well, talk about the way to make a Christian who struggles daily with depression (some days better than others, some days nearly unbearable) and who has indeed attempted suicide (back at age 17) get unsettled.
Let's just say this clashes with my own beliefs, which is that God is a God of love, and when someone is in such crazy pain, caused by a neurochemical illness that they cannot change and did not ask for...well...
I didn't bring it up in bible study. But it's been eating at me since then.
And yeeks, I would prefer if my brain would NOT give me dreams about my dad dying, thank you very much. It's not the most pleasant way to start things off.
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