Disillusionment

As I grow older, I unfortunately see more of what is wrong with the world, and how little seems to really work to change it. When it gets late at night, and I am in the least logical time of month, well, it leads to a pretty intense disillusionment with tears.

I think of how women 40, 50 years ago didn't generally have to work outside the home. DO NOT GET ME WRONG ON THIS ONE-working as a stay-at-home-mom, or even just as a house-wife IS work. Now, however, most households are two-earners...yet the standard of living is approximately the same. And women and men are required to work longer hours at work and at home just to survive. This leads to much greater levels of stress, and in turn, health risks.

Don't get me wrong on this either, I am grateful that women are encouraged to be independent and have careers.

What I am getting at is that things have changed. It's not a choice, it's a necessity for many that there are two earners.

I'm of the belief that most children do best when they have a parent stay at home with them until they are of school-age, and do best when, until 10 or 11 (and sometimes even later) there is a parent around when they come home from school.

That doesn't happen much anymore.

Now, kids can do well in daycare, if it is well-run, and the staff are well-trained and caring. The two centres that I have worked at were places that, had I been required to, I would have been 'okay' leaving my child (in the metaphorical sense). The staff were well trained, there was a low turnover rate, and the kids got a lot of physical activity, along with an emphasis on the importance of reading.

But would I have wanted my child to be there, not really. Yes, staff take care of the children, and do the best they can. Children are offered the opportunity to develop friendships with other children.

Some of my main objections to the daycare system include:

-much harder for children to have all necessary 'alone' and 'quiet' time. Children are loud, that is normal...in a house, a child can easily chill out (even in a pretty busy house) in a quiet spot. They can easily daydream in the backyard, or hide out under their bed or under the stairs with a book. It's much harder to escape it when you are in one big room with 4, 6, 8, 10, in a large centre run out of a gym (schoolage in the situation that I worked at) as many as 50 (ish) other people!

-let's just say that the health standards for the food are not what I would put into my child. Again, doing the best that they can...maybe...or perhaps just not educated enough. But the one daycare DID serve bologna to kids. YIKES with a capital WHAT WERE/ARE THEY THINKING?! And the other served hotdogs.

-children were somewhat more regimented and less able to entertain themselves.

-Less able to be individualized...this in my mind is particularly important for children in regards to naps. Some two year olds may be able to give up naps (but most not), sometimes six-year-olds need naps. In the one daycare, yes, children up to age five COULD potentially take a nap if their parents wanted them to, or if staff (depending on parent's requests) felt that they particularly needed one on a given day, but there was a limit as to how many cots could be out in the room at a certain time. In one instance, a little girl who was clearly tired, cranky, and needing a nap had to wait for another child to wake up so that she could go down for a much needed rest. This was for security and safety regulations in the room, and was needed for that purpose, but it is clearly better to be able to offer an individualized nap program for your child! One little boy would ALWAYS fall asleep at about noon, and would sleep until he had to be woken up at 2:30. It was clear upon being awoken that he really did need to sleep for longer, but it wasn't possible in this situation. His parents even mentioned that on the weekends he would sleep longer and still go to bed at a normal 2-year-old time, so it wasn't one of those cases where kids like to get their sleep schedules mixed up and just sleep during the day and be awake during the night.

-Children are introduced to peer pressure at an earlier age. Peer pressure can be both positive and negative at any age. Sometimes, such as in the case of a 2-3 year old class where many are in the process of potty training, this can be helpful. But on the flip side, there can be many negative things that start up that much earlier by having a group of children together most days of the week for several hours at a time.

-Because caregivers in daycares will have anywhere from 3-15 children under their care/charge at any one time (unless they are a 'special' for a child with additional support needs-the new politically correct term) depending on their age and the area where one is located (Where I am, it is 1:4 for children under age 2, 1:6 for two year olds, 1:8 for preschool age (this can include 2 year olds if they are included with children at least 3 years old), 1:10 for kindergarten and 1:15 for school age (6 and over), certain things can and do happen from time to time. Biting between children ages 3 and under is not uncommon, and is sometimes hard to stop, even amongst the most diligent of caregivers. This is less likely to happen if a caregiver has fewer to watch at one time. It still happens...my mom did home daycare when I was little, and one of the children that she cared for, a girl just a few months older than me who I am still in contact with now one day put her hand in my mouth and I bit it. This probably happened when we were around 1 year old. It happens...but in a large daycare, it happens more often.

-Children are sometimes encouraged or required to switch activities when it would seem that all are still enjoying what they are doing. My feeling is that daycares do not really boost the attention spans of children. Now, if it is a matter of sharing, then definitely work out a system to do so. Children do need to learn to share, and the younger the better...but there is a difference between sharing, and being forced to change activities when what the child is doing is learning how to increase their focus, concentration and attention span.

-Because of regulations that are there for a reason (a necessary one), children have less ability to be independent, and are definitely waited on hand a foot a bit more in a daycare. Caregivers have to pour milk for instance, even for the 11 and 12 year olds. I don't know about you, but I was pouring milk for myself at a much earlier age. In fact, the ONLY thing that goes into children's mouths that is NOT measured and handed  to a child by a caregiver is water. And even that is only a 'sometimes' thing. It is also not possible for a child who is say, 10 or 11, to go out and ride their bike except on a 'bike day' around the parking lot. This is an example of how being with a parent caregiver provides children with more independence then a daycare. When I was 10 I most definitely was able to ride my bike on my own in the neighbourhood in my boundaries and wearing a watch or carrying a timer so that I would check in every so often (this amount of time increased as I got older-I think it started out at 15 minutes. By about 14, so long as I told when I was going out and wasn't out after dark there was definitely no limits to how long I could be out. I probably didn't really have boundaries then, but did kind of stick to the ones from my younger years. Habits and all).

-It is harder to attach to someone when you have several different staff providing you with care throughout the day. In fact, when one little girl at the first daycare I worked at developed a particularly close relationship with me, it was somewhat discouraged. I think it is there so that when a child moves to a different room, or a teacher leaves, the pain is less. But would you say to a child "Oh, don't grow attached to your mother, father, grandma, aunt...because you might move, or they might die and then you'll have pain" ?

I have more reasons why I do not want my future children to be in daycare someday, especially a large daycare centre, but some of them are harder to write out. My top reason is that it is simply harder to raise your children in the way you really want to raise them when they are not with you for a large percentage of their waking hours. Say I told a daycare centre that I was vegetarian, and raising my children that way and that they also did not drink cow's milk (all things that I intend to do). Very hard for them to follow those guidelines, I would have to bring in separate snacks and soy milk (no almond milk in daycare centres because of the nuts) and they would still frown on it. My friend C's daughter D is 2.5 years old and in the daycare centre at my university. C is not raising D vegetarian, but D will not eat meat at this point, so C figures that she might as well offer vegetarian options alongside still offering D meat choices. The daycare doesn't seem to view something like chickpeas in the same category as chicken, despite the fact that they are in the same food group! Meat AND Alternatives...

And say I felt that my child at age 5 (kindergarten) should still have a nap or quiet time in the afternoon. Most likely, that would not be a possibility, even if it was what they truly needed.

What about movies? Many daycares offer a movie once a week. If I wasn't keen on the movies that they were showing-not because they were harmful, but because they were just plain junk and I felt that my child would be better off colouring, playing with blocks, looking at books, dress-up, just-about-anything-else...well...most likely not an option.

Except in religious daycares that specifically offer a religious basis...my child would not be exposed to any kind of faith during those hours. Not even by a staff member with the same beliefs in private with my child. My parents did not 'force religion down my throat', but offered it in ways throughout the day/night that helped me to grow.

This is just one way that I was feeling disillusioned tonight. That families are struggling so much to maintain a pretty basic lifestyle and that the prospects for change are not looking good. What's next, all children over the age of 8 have to work to help out? In our society with school and the types of jobs that are out there, that is just not possible. When 'helping out' meant helping on the family farm by weeding the vegetable garden with your mother that was one thing, or learning carpentry alongside your father...but it is definitely happening that teens are actually having to drop out of highschool, or take longer to graduate to take on poorly-paying jobs so that their families can pay the bills and keep food on the table. And I wonder where my generation is going to be when we hit 'retirement' age. Can't rely on any care from the government to survive, I'm sure that CPP (Canada Pension Plan) and OAS (Old Age Security) will be completely gone in about 20-25 years, if not sooner. There is a reason that retirement is supposed to come out-it's called the body and brain age to a point where it is not possible to properly perform a job any longer. Yet I see people well over the age of 65 working in places like Wal-Mart (when I dare to venture in), fast-food places and even things like gas stations more and more.

I generally maintain that a relatively simple lifestyle is best. I am more of an experiences person than a things person. I am very happy to spend a lot of my leisure time doing things like baking with a friend, playing an instrument, listening to music and reading a book, or knitting. The vast majority of what I knit leaves the house. Yes, you can argue that my instrument cost me $8000. That is completely true, and I will never deny that. Most of my entertainment comes from relatively inexpensive sources however. I haven't been to see a movie in three years, I don't play video games or online games (those things can rack up prices pretty quickly), I definitely don't gamble or go out for expensive things like water parks, paintball, laser tag etc...

And when it does come down to it, I am now 'paying' probably less than a dollar for each time I pick up my flute (again, this is metaphorically speaking). From the way I've seen things, a lot of electrical equipment probably lasts to about $1 a usage. Things just aren't made to last, and gaming systems certainly seem to break down quickly, or 'need' to be upgraded, along with the games. Although I do buy books, many of the ones are hand-me-downs, and I also frequent my public library and university library system.

I'm disillusioned with politics, and the way things are going. I'm disillusioned that the 99% are struggling more, and the 1% getting wealthier and wealthier. I'm disillusioned that so little seems to be done to care for the planet (even if every person just did one little thing it would be a big help). I'm disillusioned when I hear of violence.

I do try to live with the mantra of changing myself first and foremost because really, that's all I can do...reach out in the ways I can...but I feel so horrible when it seems like nothing ever happens for the better.

If you've actually read to the bottom of this post, congratulations. This was the late-night ramblings of a tearful young woman concerned about her future and more importantly, the future of the planet that we call Earth...