My heart hurts...

Emotionally, not physically. Today was definitely another monday...began with an hour's worth of mattress over mind syndrome. NOT how I wanted to start the day. I couldn't manage to keep my eyes properly open to read the Adorno reading on the bus, nor to listen to some more flute music for my listening assignment. Pretty much the only things that went right this morning were pancake monday (with chocolate chips!), and a bit of explanation on the 20th century midterm during class (the rest of the class was still a bit random and hard to follow).

Did my practising after pancakes go that amazingly? Not really...for starters, there was no piano bench or chair in my practice room, so I couldn't practice for as long as I wanted to...

I couldn't get the listening assignment finished before masterclass, I didn't finish the Adorno reading (although that was less of an issue as it was a presentation). And then to top it off, my cough has been changing a bit today...it's starting to sound and feel a bit like it did on about day two of bronchitis starting up.

Orchestra was basically fine...for some reason I missed a couple of entrances that I usually don't. The big hurt for today came when I sat down to check my email and facebook while eating some chickpeas after orchestra. I found out that a very wonderful man died today from pancreatic cancer...he was the husband of my main accompanist. My heart hurts, especially when another friend told me that he had had to be put into a medically induced coma because of the pain...they went through the same thing that we did with my mom in that they lived for sometime with the 'anytime now'...I'm not sure how long they went through it, but we had it for 2.5 weeks, 2.5 weeks I will never forget, no matter how old I get, or how hard I try.

My heart hurts right now. If I've said it once, I have said it about 10, 092 times, but I HATE CANCER. G. had a wife, two (or three...) sons, and several grandchildren. He should have been just starting to enjoy retirement (he was in his late fifties or early sixties). Instead, he went through one of the most devastating and painful cancers there is.