Weekends are too short. Utterly too short. It seems that it should still be friday evening, not late sunday evening! I've hardly gotten anything done that I should have...think 20th century assignment due wednesday and a whole pile of readings that I still haven't done PLUS of course practicing. Ugh. I hate being behind when I've only had just over a week of school. Over the next two or three days I MUST catch up. That, and get started making use of my gym pass. Fortunately, for students at the university, it works out to about 15$ a month for twelve months. A little bit less, actually. Either way, it's a wonderful deal. I would finalize my schedule-as to when in general I practice, exercise, do homework...but my small ensemble rehearsal time has yet to be confirmed and I don't get the chance to sign up for practice rooms until wednesday.
A busy week coming up, that's for sure. I must remember to talk to my flute teacher at my lesson tomorrow morning about a couple of concerto competitions...and the thing closest to my heart right now, doing a small noon-hour recital this fall so that my mom will get the chance to see me perform. I hope it's possible. Nothing big, probably just Bach's sonata in E major for flute and piano, and maybe Schubert's Arpeggioni for flute. The arpeggioni is a little bit below my normal level, so it would be faster to learn. I just want to give my mom the chance to see me in recital on my own.
We went through about three boxes of things today, plus a bunch of things in one drawer. It was surprisingly fast. As a result, I now have a few pieces of jewellry, many more things have been added to the Goodwill and garage sale piles, and my sister has a lot of new-to-her pieces as well. Cleaning things out is both good, and extremely difficult...for instance, in one of the boxes, we found all the cards that were sent to my mom/her dad and brother when her mom died 21 years ago, as well as the guest register from her funeral. My mom told me to just recycle the cards and deal with the register, so I did. It felt very strange though, but given that I was literally the size of a peanut (my mom was two months pregnant with me when my grandma died) I have almost no connection. Sometimes it really makes me sad that I never knew my grandma. My mom says that in many ways, she was a lot like me. In fact, I have several of her unfinished craft projects! She also loved music, and was a very good singer who loved choirs and choral music, especially things that let her dress up in costumes. Last week, we cleaned out a bunch of those costumes. Although, granted, not all of them were originally costumes-one of them was her wedding gown, a brown lace thing that would probably have looked dreadful on her, but I think that being a teenager on the prairies in the depression probably influenced her colour inclinations.
Speaking of difficult things, I think I'll attempt my group homework before I go to bed. One of the questions I'm supposed to look at is what purpose the eating disorder served me, and whether it still serves that purpose. I wasn't able to really answer that in the group...I don't really know what purpose it was serving, whether it even was, whether it's still doing that. Maybe it is about control. I don't know. The other assignment is an 'iceberg' assignment-looking at what the world sees of the eating disorder and what is underneath (ex, world sees weight loss, vomiting after meals, exercising-underneath is need for control, intense body dissatisfaction, dysfunctional families, competition etc etc etc). Ignorance can be a big problem with eating disorders. It's growing better, but you still frequently encounter people who say things like "Why don't you just eat?" "You look gross, how can you think that looks good?" "If you're fat, then I'm morbidly obese" "How can you make yourself throw up, that's just gross"
On a funny end note, my church congregation had to be observed by someone in the session of churchs for our denomination in our city and in the report, he made a few typographical errors which we are all now teasing him about (he's my sister's pastor and a very nice man)...mainly that we are a musical congregation, led by a pair of 'sinners' instead of 'singers' and that we combine both a mixture of contemporary and traditional 'sins' instead of songs...
Oh, and the utter awkwardness...running into people who used to go to your church that you haven't seen in quite a while whilst you are searching for your size in the girls' underwear section...and then when they show up in line right behind you when the cashier is having to correct your purchase because she forgot to scan in an article of, shall we say, a very personal nature and she has another cashier over there and did I mention that this is a man we're talking about here whose wife has already gone out to the car and I'm just standing there starting to have my cheeks flame up a bit while we're trying to make small talk...I walked home thinking "Only me...only me..." Yes, I passed on the hello from them to my parents...but I didn't mention the rest!
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