Someone should shake me (seriously) every now and again...

Every time I start worrying about a mark, someone really ought to give me a sound shaking!! I was SO concerned that I was going to have gotten a not-so-great mark on my psychology exam. And what did I get? Another 90% (A+). I was also concerned that I would have gotten a C on my orchestration exam...high B+. Now, I would obviously have preferred an A, and if I'd had a few minutes more I might have gotten an A, because I forgot a few little markings on the largest part that meant I lost a few marks, such as forgetting to specify which type of clarinet I wanted to play, and in one of my transpositions, I forgot to put in the key signature! That alone cost me three marks, which would have moved my 87% to a 90%. Sheer lack of time I think. BUT, the good news is that I got the harmonics correct, which is one section that I puzzled over quite a bit-having the viola strings listed by number instead of letter threw me off a bit, and I had to figure out which was which because I had forgotten that you count down instead of up...the lowest string is 4, then 3 etc. Completely opposite to the song I sing with my students "One two three four five the lines, one two three four spaces...Treble Clef and Bass Clef too, count UP from the BOTTOM".

Anyways...that one night of getting 5 1/2 hours of sleep REALLY threw me off. After I did that exam I pretty much crashed a bit, although I did get down to the hospital to meet with my ICM, and then was actually able to attend bible study for once because I wasn't teaching in the evening on thursday (long story, but I taught ALL my students today. Long day). I was supposed to babysit for a friend at 6am but thankfully (or not...) she was sick herself and needed to stay home. I feel bad that she was ill, but at the same time, me sleeping for 2 1/2 hours was definitely a good thing. And then I was able to go down to the university and mark the skills tests instead, which was also good because one of my fellow markers N was still sick/something. When I finished marking the tests, I REALLY crashed. Pretty much quite literally, on one of the run-down-springs-strange-who-knows-how-old couches that we inherited that are falling apart but provide some degree of comfort at the faculty of music. I don't know how long I debated whether I was going to go home and eat or eat at the university...I was not hungry in the least, couldn't decide whether it would be bad to wait until after 2pm (when I would get home) to eat...you get the picture. The cycle is pretty annoying to say the least.

And now it is reading week. A certain surprise that has continued to be surprising has reminded me of the necessity of getting checked out by my doctor...hopefully I can get in this coming week or early the next week. It's now been almost two months of waiting for my genetics test results. I asked my bible study friends to pray with me for the patience in waiting for the results...and for the courage and strength to get into see my doctor!

Just having a little bit of a hard day I guess. I managed to block out a lot of thoughts by focusing REALLY hard on getting the last chapter of my psychology textbook read for my exam tomorrow. I wish that today was sunday, not tuesday though. I have a psychology exam tomorrow, and then my orchestration midterm on thursday. After that, it's reading week.

When I took a break, I had gone back on facebook, obviously I saw more posts related to Kylie's fight being over, and then I attempted to find a website where I could quickly introduce my dad to mosaic turner's syndrome. I should know better than to enter into either of those two topics when I need my brain to function well!

Which it did surprisingly well for much of today. I'm impressed that I had the energy to get through the psych textbook pages, although I think I entered into a little bit of a green tea high...which is rare, but I think it was because of the one specific green tea I had that somehow seems to be a bit more potent than others...Mango PassionFruit Acai Berry Green Tea by Tetley. I hadn't had it in a little while, and it seemed to have worked. I wish I could go to bed NOW but I need to put in about three hours studying. Must...Study...

I may end up having to miss my history class tomorrow night depending on how much studying I can get done. I really don't want to AT ALL, but orchestration has a LOT to know for the midterm. So I'd better eat (sigh) and get at it.

Kylie "Bug" Taylor

My heart is breaking this morning to find out that Kylie "Bug" Taylor earned her wings last night. It really came as a big surprise. Although very sick for many months, and in the cardiovascular intensive care unit at Primary Children's Medical Center for some seven+ months, she had been SO strong. Only true fighters manage to make forts with boxes, bake things in the Easy Bake Oven that they got for Christmas and play 'Guinea Pig Haircuts' while on 17litres High Flow Oxygen! Kylie was in the minority who die while waiting for transplants as children, but there should be NO minority. There ARE enough organs, but in FAR too many cases ignorance prevents the transplant from happening. In Kylie's case there was also a medical error that sent her PRA's WAY high, and thus really prevented her from having the transplant.

Kylie was a very special little girl. I honestly think that this is the most upset I have been when someone I have followed on the internet has passed away...perhaps that's because there was always still HOPE, whereas with many cancer patients, there was NO hope left...

Fly high Kylie. No more PICC lines to drive you crazy, no more freezing, no more swelling in your tummy. In Christ, you are completely healed-no more heart failure from your HLHS.

Dietician appointment

Had an insightful (I guess-that may not be exactly the word I am looking for) appointment with my dietician this morning. Fortunately, it was in the morning before the fatigue really hits badly. Mornings have generally always been my best time, guess it still stands.

My dietician mentioned that it may be worthwhile talking to my doctor about domperidone for a short-term, low-dosage course (1-2 months) to see if it helps my digestive system kick back into gear properly and work at the right speed so that I can actually feel hunger (besides just having my brain shut down) and not feel like eating is such a chore. I think it's worth looking into even though I'm generally cautious about any medication. Right now, I'm cold, tired, have a mild headache, and am concerned about my two midterms later this week. I think the past two or three nights I've been dreaming about getting the genetic test results, or results from other tests, but I'm not completely sure if it was all the nights. The really weird one was early sunday morning when the doctor giving me the results was Dr. Travis Stork (one of the hosts of the TV show 'The Doctors') and somehow my mom was involved. Anytime I dream about my mom it seems to involve her being there when I get test results or other things like that. Which just upsets things further. I guess it's my brain trying to process what it would be like if I had her in my life right now and DID get the test results back-how I would approach the situation. Although we loved each other dearly, I was never truly able to talk to her about things of any deep real importance to me. Sometimes, it's a little bit hard to see how other mothers and daughters have relationships like that, sometimes I just file it away and think that if I have a daughter, I will work so that that relationship can be a possibility someday. Such examples as my friend/fellow teacher S, who is in her fifties (about my mom's age I guess) whose daughter is only 28 weeks along with twins and will likely be delivering them early-within the next anytime-3 weeks. Well, naturally S is both very concerned for her daughter and future grandchildren and also TICKED off with the doctor-not even her daughter's doctor!-who told her this in such a way that her daughter was absolutely devastated, upset and whatnot (a situation that is NOT going to help her chances of giving the babies every single day that she can). S can definitely show her mama-bear claws when she wants to! She is DEFINITELY one of those women whose children will ALWAYS be her babies.

But I digress. I sure hope that her daughter can carry at least until 30 weeks, when the risk of complications are much lower.

You know you are tired when...

You almost take a drink of wax by picking up an unlight candle in a glass candle holder instead of your mug of tea. Wow. I guess waking up at 5am to babysit kind of drains a girl who has some other stuff going on as well! I wish that I had more energy to study for my two exams or practice, or work on an paper for my history courses, BUT I think I had better take a shower and just go to bed. Somehow, when I start picking up candles instead of tea and when I reached for my toothbrush instead of soap to wash my hands, I think my brain is dead and needs some sleep!

'Millenials' most stressed generation

Every now and then (not sure why I do this) I end up posting on the MSNBC news site in response to a news story (usually in the Health section). Ah, internet fights. When my responding to someone's post that 'everyone who is a millenial (18-34 years of age) is just stressed over things like power outages and phone chargers' somehow transforms into someone who obviously didn't read my post calling 'b.s' that I could possibly have taken care of my parent (s), why did I have a child in college, and that at age 34 it was time for me to leave school and get a job. The amount of errors in that post were laughable!

Here's just a brief summary of the errors...

I am 22
I do not have children, nor is it in the least bit possible for me to have children, given that I am a virgin...
I have two jobs, if not three.
I MOST DEFINITELY took care of my mom as she suffered and DIED from cancer.
I do take care of my dad/will be taking care of my dad.
My parents were slightly older when I was born (34 and over 40) so really, it's quite possible to be caring for them even in my twenties. My dad is now less than a year from turning 65, has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, has had a silent heart attack, insomnia, and depression-not to mention being quite overweight. Some of his medications make him sleep walk/sleep eat, and he has been known to crash into things etc etc.

I actually ended by saying that I did feel we were in a high-paced society with a bit of a technology overload, giving the example of my friend who does not have a smartphone (neither do I) and was reprimanded for not answering an email immediately. He happened to be in class at the time, and had a habit of checking his email once or twice a day and responding at that time...but they got mad because he didn't drop everything and respond immediately!

My main point was that we aren't stressed because of 'power outages and phone chargers dying on us', we are stressed because of real life, like any other generation. If we look at the younger end of the spectrum, the 18-25ish crowd, we are also looking at brains that are not even fully developed. Perhaps this is part of why we are more stressed than the older generations, not to mention that everyday, there are news reports that minerals are going to be gone by the time I'm 35, that we are facing conundrums in terms of energy (we have the ability to be completely sustainable, but governments do not subsidize solar and wind power...they subsidize fossil fuels, which will be gone within 2-3 decades), that this country has this sort of nuclear weapon, that there will be no retirement benefits, that there is a possibility of a food shortage yet the solutions that have been created come with their own set of problems (ex, celiac disease is on the rise because wheat has TONS more gluten in it than 100 years ago due to genetic modification to increase yield etc etc)...

The internet is both a wonderful and a terrible thing. Seems a little bit like the way television was during the Vietnam War (the first war that was really televised to a mass population).

Yet I still have hope. Maybe going through a lot more than many young people my age has given me wisdom and insight...sometimes I get frustrated with 'young people antics'. Despite this, I have friends-close friends-who are around my age that have done some pretty amazing things...

My friend J, a survivor (an amazing story) of the Rwandan genecide, who has started an organization to provide education and health resources to Rwanda. Did I mention that he's also a nurse? He could have chosen to become bitter and what-not from his experiences, but he has taken something that NO ONE should have to go through EVER (because it's completely not natural at ALL-basically, he was a little boy, and the soliders/rebels/something gave him a choice of his life or his sister's life...he said 'kill me'...it didn't happen and for years he thought his sister had been killed (miraculously she survived)) and has looked at two things...education and healthcare...that everyone should have access to equally.

My friend S, who has created a foundation for Sustainable Development, and is reaching out to leaders around the world. Did I mention that he's only 20?! He's also a pretty fabulous clarinet player...this is also where I found out that silver and gold are likely going to disappear by 2030...which hit me in a weird way because I am a flute player, and my instrument is made of silver...and a small bit of gold (and a tiny percentage of nickel, because you can't have absolutely pure silver or gold).

Life can be like wine. You can either be bitter or get better with age. Now, I've never tasted wine, but I understand the principle. So...which do you want to be doing...getting better or bitter as you go through life?

I want to be getting better.

Itunes playlist (and other ramblings)

I listen to my ipod just about everyday, whether on the bus, or on my stereo. I also try to listen to my "Current Music Studies" playlist everyday, which is why the 'Top 25' reflects that habit...

It's a slightly eclectic mix...

1) Celtic Partita-110 plays.
2) Bach: Well-Tempered Clavier- Prelude #5 in D (my current Bach Prelude)-108 plays.
3) Bach: Well-Tempered Clavier-Fugue #5 in D (My current Bach fugue)-107 plays.
4) Sonata no 9 in E major, Op 14 mvt 3-Beethoven-93 plays (also on my current studies)
5) "Suicide is Painless" (the movie theme song from the movie M*A*S*H)-85 plays.
6) Noctune no 5 in F sharp major, Chopin-83 plays (part of my current studies).
7) Sonata no 9 in E major, Op 14 mvt 1-Beethoven-83 plays (Current studies)
8) Sonata no 9 in E major, Op 14 mvt 2-Beethoven-81 plays (Current studies)
9) MYC Theme Song-81 plays.
10) Prelude in C sharp minor by Heller (a Romantic era composer)-74 plays (Current studies)
11) Melodie, Rachmaninoff-74 plays (Current studies)
12) Pas de deux-Samuel Barber-73 plays (Current studies)
13) Sonata in E minor for flute and keyboard mvt 4-Bach; 73 plays (Current Studies)
14) Nocturne et Allegro Scherzando-Phillippe Gaubert-73 plays ('Current' studies)
15)Serenade op 53, no 5-Haberbier-71 plays (Current studies)
16) Sonata in E minor for flute and keyboard mvt 2-Bach; 70 plays (Current Studies)
17) Tango Etude-Piazzolla-69 plays (Current studies)
18) MYC Rocks-69 plays
19) Allegro mvt 1 from Mozart clarinet quartet (I LOVE THIS PIECE!!!)-66 plays.
20) Sonata in E minor for flute and keyboard mvt 1-Bach; 66 plays (Current Studies)
21) John Philip Sousa: The Stars and Stripes Forever (Mostly because it is so energizing)-66 plays
22) Overture to Candide-Bernstein (Played it last year in Wind Ensemble)-64 plays.
23) Sonata in E minor for flute and keyboard mvt 3-Bach; 64 plays (current studies)
24) Cantabile et Presto-Georges Enesco; 64 plays (current studies)
25) Come to Jesus; 63 plays (a recording by the mom of one of my friends, and a piece that I clung onto like crazy when my mom was sick).

Like I said, quite the eclectic mix, but reflective of several important areas of my life...my piano studies, my flute studies, my life as an MYC teacher, my faith...even my obsession with M*A*S*H (which is one reason that the Allegro of Mozart is in there (long story about that).

Well...enough procrastinating on just about everything! It's 1pm and I haven't even gotten out of my pajamas yet! But...I did sleep in until 11am. Not exactly my plan! I meant to get up at 7:30. BUT...I didn't fall asleep until nearly 2am due to getting home at 11:30 last night. Oh well. More incentive to get my blood tested? Not sure. But I've had a random MYC teacher that I don't even know send me an email encouraging me to get my thyroid checked due to a random comment on the "January Blahs" message track because the way I described things sounded exactly like what she was feeling before she was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. And having days like sunday for no apparent reason really isn't conducive to studying...

Such is life.